My due date without a baby due

Though I'm loving all the new life around here with the chickens and goats, there is one baby I'd much rather see and hold.  My baby.  If I had not had a miscarriage last fall, I would be expecting my own baby any day - if I didn't already have it in my arms. 

I still haven't figured out how to properly put my loss of my wee baby in perspective.  If that's possible.  But it gives me great comfort knowing that my baby is with it's big sister Lilly and all is perfect.

I've learned that even though miscarriage occurs in something like 1 in 5 pregnancies (which makes it very very common), people do not like to talk about it.  At all. 

I wish I knew more about my baby.  Was it a boy or girl?  My baby does have a name, though.  It sounds silly I suppose, but I named it "Blueberry."  Why?  Because that was about the size of the baby when it died.

Recently when I was at the dentist, she asked how many children I had. I gave my usual answer, "Three with me and one in heaven."  Hunter was in the room with me.  He immediately corrected me, "No there are TWO in heaven."  Ouch.  I will answer different in the future.  Hunter talks about this baby sometimes saying how much he wished it could have been born. 

I wanted to have a little way to remember this baby like I do Lilly, but how?  All I know about it was that it existed, and today, May 14, was it's due date.  I thought about my friend Michelle that makes remembrance jewelry.  (And other beautiful jewelry.  See my sidebar to click to her shop or click this link for Six Sisters Beadworks.)  (Michelle had a baby boy, with Trisomy 18, that passed away right before birth.)

So I ordered a special necklace.  One that has two birthstone charms - an emerald for Blueberry and a ruby for Lilly.

I love it.  Just a little way for my baby not to be forgotten.

"¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,When as yet there were none of them." - Psalm 139:13-16