Capture Your Grief - Days 9 & 10 & 11

Day 9: Music.
Music that reminds you of your child.

Inside the program for Lilly's funeral, we included the music to the six songs we sung.  Each song was significant in some way.  The songs were:

1. "As the Hart About to Falter" - This is from Psalm 42.  This was a psalm that my husband chose for us to sing.  To me this psalm has a sad sound to it and it always makes me tear up when we sing it at church now.

2. "How Firm A Foundation" - This was Lilly's comfort song.  Humming or singing this particular song to her would nearly always comfort her. To hear Tabby play this on piano, click here for the video. 

3. "My Jesus I Love Thee" -  I love this hymn and sang it to Lilly a lot.  I remember it being sung at the funerals of several relatives.  I find peace in the hymn.  Here is a video of Tabby playing this on piano. 

4. "Amazing Grace" - A hymn we've sung to all the children.  Video of Tabby playing this on piano here. 

5. "The Lily of the Valley" - "Lily" is in the title!  Need I say more??  Video of Tabby playing it on piano here. 

6.  The Doxology - was perfect for concluding Lilly's funeral service:

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

We continue to praise God for all 529 days He allowed us to have and hold Lilly.  (And yes, sometimes I am greedy and wish it had been longer.)

Day 10.  Beliefs.
What happens to us after we die?

The cross was actually made to hold photos. I tied flowers from Lilly's casket spread on it.

 I do believe in heaven and hell but I am not sure exactly what happens to us right when we die.  I love to talk about Lilly in heaven with Jesus and having the perfect time simply because this makes me the happiest.  However, I do think there is good evidence in the Bible that we "sleep" until Jesus returns. 

Attorney and early church historian David Bercot shares a fascinating message on his CD entitled What the Early Christians Believed About Life After Death.  (The CD is available from Scroll Publishing here.)  The early Christians believed that our souls go to a waiting place until judgment day.  Paradise/Abraham's Bosom or Hades.  This makes the most sense to me, listening to excerpts from the early Christian writings and corresponding scriptures. 

But, I do believe that whatever happens exactly, that Lilly is at perfect peace.  And I believe that because I am a follower of Jesus, that I will one day hold her in my arms again.

Day 11.  Emotional triggers.
What triggers emotions associated with grief for you?

Lilly's red-white-blue Christmas tree

 Lilly was born on the 4th of July and died December 15, just 10 days before Christmas.  Obviously both of these holidays are triggers for me.  Christmas more so I think.  Excitement is associated with July 4 because Lilly had survived her birth.  But Christmas?  It has a hollow feel to it now.

Little girl red-white-blue clothing pokes at my heart.  Passing hospitals or doctors Lilly visited sometimes makes me cry.

I think of her every day though, so the "trigger" thing isn't a real clear question for me to answer.  Especially because sometimes something will make me cry and other times I may smile.  Why is that??!!