Seeing through red-white-&-blue glasses

It seems that no sooner has Easter passed, when Walmart begins selling patriotic clothing for little kids.  The baby and toddler girl red/white/blue dresses and outfits just scream at me when I pass them.  They are just too cute and yes, they make me a bit sad.  I wish so much I could be buying something special for Lilly to celebrate another birthday in.

LillyBear modeling a scarf crocheted by Tabby, that I gave away earlier this week in memory of Lilly

 

Last week.  I got to experience another Lilly blessing.  Cindy, a woman that I got to know, because of Lilly, invited me over to bless me by letting me pick out something special from her clothing boutique, for free, in honor of Lilly.  Cindy sells LuLaRoe clothing and had gotten the Fourth of July clothing capsule in and was hoping I could find something to remind me of my "little firecracker."  (The red/white/blue is special to Cindy too as she is the mama of a solider!)  Cindy's generosity and remembrance of Lilly did me a world of good.

I am slowly realizing that it really blesses others to let them bless me at times.

Cindy, me, and Tabby

I have been obsessed with polka dots for years now (they remind me of vintage dresses from decades past) and so when I saw a red maxi skirt with white polka dots, I had a feeling that that skirt was "the one."  I tried on some other cute dresses and skirts too, but "the one" won out.

Cindy showed me that I could wear it other ways, besides just as a regular maxi skirt.  I could wear it as a dress too!  (Though I would wear something over it for sure.  I have a white jeans jacket that will work perfect when the weather cools back off some.)

The skirt's colors matched my "signature shoes":

Tabby tried on a navy dress that looked great on her.  But red/white/blue isn't her thing as much as it is mine.  When Cindy showed a dress that had gold in it, Tabby knew she had found "her one."

It may not be Lilly-colored, but Cindy blessed Tabby with this dress in honor of her little sister Lilly!

I plan to wear my Cindy-blessing-skirt for July 4th/Lilly's Birthday, with my blue Hello Kitty shirt that my cousin Moriah gave me.  Lilly had a matching Hello Kitty shirt!  And Tabby had a similar one.

me and my girls - July 2011

 If you are interested in LuLaRoe clothing, my friend Cindy is there to help you.  She is sweet, helpful, easy to talk to, and just a lot of fun.  Check out her Facebook site at:  facebook.com/LuLaRoeCindyWH and website at:  cindywinterhartley.mylularoe.com or follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lularoe.cindywh/ Tell her Lilly's mama referred you!  ;)

Even though our old farmhouse is actually Lilly-colored on the outside, yesterday was time to decorate for Lilly's birthday/Independence Day.  My favorite thing is to hang my bunting:

This is the same bunting you can see in this picture:

July 2011 (photo by Steve Rubin Photography)

LillyBear put on her special skirt:

And I decorated the living room fireplace:

This cute horse is Lilly's birthday present for this year:

I'm lovin' these pinwheels:

Finally, I decorated Lilly's tree and the fireplace hearth:

(Oh and you can see a peek of our tablecloth in the above picture - it is oilcloth and is white with red and blue stars.  I love it!)

tree topper

My kids are all looking forward to celebrating Independence Day/Lilly's birthday.  They like the routine of going to the parade in the morning and then in the evening, releasing balloons at Lilly's grave then watching the fireworks.  Solomon doesn't remember those things very much but he is very excited to hear that we will be having a birthday cake for Lilly.  He's already asked if he could blow out the candles.  :)

Grief really is a roller coaster and I never know what to expect.  Though I miss Lilly dreadfully, I am finding that I am looking forward to celebrating her 6th birthday, even though she will be celebrating it in heaven.  I am not having any of the crushing, sickening, depression and dread that I had last December, as her angelversary approached.  And I am thankful.

"Cast all your anxiety on God because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

How to express your condolences

Earlier this week, I was contacted by someone from ObituariesHelp.org.  She shared with me her new advice page on how to write a message of condolence to someone that had lost a loved one.  I looked at her page, and it is really, really good!

When someone dies, people can feel awkward and not really know what to say, or they may not say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing.  I know - I've felt that way myself.  But after experiencing the loss of Lilly, I know that it hurts the most when people don't say anything.

So for some very helpful ideas, go to http://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html

Condolence Definition

noun: con·do·lence pronounced [kənˆdou ləns]
plural: con·do·lences pronounced [kənˆdou ləns iz]
- See more at: http://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html#sthash.ceSo1oog.dpuf

The webpage has ideas on how to begin your card/letter, what to put in the body of the card/letter, and quotes and Bible verses to use.  It also discusses using social media to express sympathy.  I printed the page out and am going to keep it in my box of sympathy cards.

I know social media is the norm for what seems like everything now, but I personally feel that sending a card in the mail (or delivering it personally) means the very most.  Simply because a person has to put more effort into it so it means more.  To me anyway.  I know we're all different.  I have two HUGE boxes of sympathy cards in the attic from when Lilly died.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to read through them all again, but it gives me comfort in just having them.

Our kitchen table covered with flowers sent right after Lilly's death

Lillies in memory of Lilly

A dear friend drew this Lilly and wrote out Matthew 6:25-28 (verses mentioning lilies) - such a meaningful gift!

Never forget - EVERY life is valuable:

photo credit: Steve Rubin Photography

Choosing the Perfect Words of Condolences

 

Choosing the Perfect Words of Condolences

Choosing the Perfect Words of Condolences

"A mother never forgets ..."

In The First Four Years we learn that Laura Ingalls Wilder's second child was a boy.  However, he only lived several weeks before he died suddenly after having "spasms." 

There is a book series called "The Rocky Ridge Years" which is about Laura, Almanzo, their daughter Rose, and their life in Mansfield, Missouri.  These books were written by Roger Lea MacBride.  MacBride was like a grandson to the adult Rose and she told him many stories about her growing up years.  MacBride later took these stories and turned them into the book series.

Recently while reading New Dawn on Rocky Ridge, I found myself tearing up at a chapter called "A Mother Never Forgets." In this chapter a family that are friends with the Wilders lose a baby boy.

After baby Earl's funeral, Laura goes home and sits down at her kitchen table and cries harder than Rose had ever heard her cry.  Then Almanzo began to cry.  Rose cried along with them.  When Laura finally stopped:

"I'm sorry," Mama said.  "It's just I can't help remembering our own little boy."

Papa nodded, snuffling.  "I been thinking of it myself."

"When the preacher said Earl's name, it . . . it just tore at me that we never did give that child a name of his own before we buried him," she said mournfully. 

. . .

"Oh, Mama," Rose cried out, fresh tears wetting her cheeks.  "I'm so sorry."

Mama sighed heavily, gazing at Rose's hand and caressing it.  Softly she said, "A mother never forgets, Rose.  I might not speak of it, but as surely as you have been by my side, he has always been in my heart.  When a mother loses a child, she never forgets."

   - New Dawn on Rocky Ridge, pgs. 142-143.

Lilly - 4 days old

That of course is so true.  Every time I hear about a baby dying suddenly, I think of Lilly.  I assume it is the same or very similar for people who have lost a spouse, or a parent, or children that lost siblings, etc.  We mourn with whoever it was that just lost a loved one, and we mourn all over again for ourselves and who we lost.

Eskimo kisses with Lilly (1 year old)

"He will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears
    from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace
    from all the earth.
The Lord has spoken.

⁹ In that day they will say,

“Surely this is our God;
    we trusted in him, and he saved us.
This is the Lord, we trusted in him;
    let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.”  - Isaiah 25:8-9

An up and a down on the roller coaster of grief

Emotions are definitely heightened when an anniversary approaches.  The day after tomorrow is Independence Day, aka Lilly's birthday.  Knowing that that's just how it is, is helpful.

Yesterday afternoon, Frank came in to tell me that Icky was dead.  Ichabod was the Black Austrolorp chick that had a health issue that I just couldn't get to go away.  Solomon and I went out to see and I wanted to pick up Icky one more time.  Awwwww ...  My heart had gone out to this chick in particular because of her illness. 


As I walked back inside, I felt this crushing blackness and anger at myself for not figuring out how to heal Icky.  The logical side of myself told the emotional side that I was being ridiculous - it was "just a chicken" and things like that happen.  The gloom continued to grow and I found myself thinking about Lilly and all the things medically that I wished I had done different for her.  I blamed myself and became furious at myself for not doing a better job with her.  Of course my logical side kept saying "you did the best you could with what you knew then."  My emotional side answered "Shut up! It wasn't good enough!  If you had done better Lilly would have been celebrating her 5th birthday in your presence!"

Goodness - do you ever have wars in your head?  I hope I'm not the only one!  Anyway, logical side finally won out by repeatedly reminding me that this is all the more painful because it's anniversary time.  Thankfully that battle didn't last too long.

Icky - photo from about a month ago

Last night, Solomon had coughing fits that quickly turned into croup.  I held him, propped against me, most of the night.  His coughing was that loud barking and sounded like he was choking at times.  I frequently sat him all the way up during a coughing fit, then gave him a little water.  Then we laid back down.  He clung onto me and I felt so bad for him and prayed for him. 

But one thing struck me, I was handling it just fine!  He's had croup a couple times now and the other times I almost fell apart.  I was terrified that he was going to die!  Respiratory stuff scared me so bad because I would of course think of Lilly and the times she almost died because of breathing issues.

So I thanked God for my progress.

Why do I share these things?  Just to put them out there in case they help or encourage anyone else on this journey.  I know I have been helped so much by other bloggers, ahead of me in the grieving process.  I would read something and think "Oh good!  I'm not crazy!  This is normal."

I was smiling this morning, thinking about how much Lilly loved adventure.  She loved going new places and taking it all in.  I've been talking to Solomon about zoos, and showed him our zoo trip pictures with Lilly earlier this morning.  (When the weather is cooler we need to go again and take Solomon.)  Here are a few pictures of Lilly's trip to the Ashboro Zoo, October 2011:

Riding a (fake) baby elephant

Lilly and Hunter in front of the giraffe area

Lily by a pond of lily pads

Snowmen and grief revisited

We got more snow Wednesday night.  It had rain mixed in and was slushy.  BUT ... it was good enough to make a small snowman.  Solomon was thrilled!  He has had a hard time understanding why none of the recent snows were "snowman snows."  Every kids book you look at that has snow in it, always has a snowman.

Solomon thought his John Deere hat was the perfect hat for a snowman.  (It was mainly for photo purposes though - couldn't leave it there or the puppies would tear it up!)

Then Solomon took great delight in smashing the snowman.  Ha-ha-ha ...

The snow and snowman made me remember Lilly and a picture I have of her by a snowman:

Lilly - December 2010

I don't know if Lilly ever saw that snowman - the snow was so bright she wouldn't open her eyes!

"Oooooh!  That's bright!  Mama - where are my sunglasses?"

Yesterday I was heartbroken to read that little Mary-Margaret had gained her angel wings very early that morning.  (Mary-Margaret's family received one of our "angel box" donations last year.)  Mary-Margaret had Trisomy 18.  She lived 5 months and 1 day.  That is a life that was way too short and yet for a baby with T-18 I know she lived longer than most.  Please pray for her family.

sweet Mary-Margaret

I always feel a sad, sharp pain whenever I read about a child with Trisomy 18 dying.  (Any child's death is sad, but the ones with T-18 are just so close to home, I guess that's why those hurt the most.)  It's like a wound that can never fully heal gets stabbed again.  Because I know what it feels like, I just hurt for the family.  I think of what they must be going through.  And then I end up with flashes of what we went through when Lilly died.  I think of our babies in heaven.  So awesome for them.  So sad for us.

But I guess it's all "normal."  Sigh.  Just because it's "normal" doesn't mean I like it. 

I'm sure many of you reading this understand.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18

The grieving process - can you really finish it?

I have been asked occasionally, "Have you finished going through the grieving process for Lilly yet?"  For some reason, several people have asked this lately.

I don't know how to respond.  Do we ever finish grieving someone we loved deeply?  And what is "the process?" 

All photos in this post credit to: Steve Rubin Photography

I have a stack of books on grief that people have kindly sent me and they stay untouched.  I am afraid to open them.  Does this mean I've barely grieved at all?

I don't cry every day - or even most days - anymore.  Does this mean I have "completed the grieving process?"

Maybe it's been this question, or maybe it's just time, but Lilly has been EXTRA heavy on my heart and in my mind lately. 

 For some reason, that brought to my mind some things that the great reformer, Martin Luther, said when his daughter Magdalena died at the age of 13.  (All quotes below are from Queen of the Reformation by Charles Ludwig (p. 160).)

When the carpenter was fastening the lid of Magdalena's coffin shut, Luther, through his tears, said, "Hammer away! On Resurrection Day she'll rise again." 

Later, Luther addressed Magdalena in her coffin:  "You will rise and shine like a star, yea, like the sun. . . . I am happy in the spirit, but the flesh is sorrowful and will not be content; the parting grieves me beyond measure. . . . I have sent a saint to heaven." 

"Happy in the spirit, but the flesh is sorrowful."  That sums it up perfectly.

A flash of anger (on the grief roller coaster)

Earlier this month, as I changed the decorations on Lilly's tree from July to August, I suddenly felt angry.

I felt angry that Lilly was not alive and with us anymore. I felt angry that there was a gap between Solomon and Hunter where their sister should have been.  I felt angry that she only lived 17 months and that I obviously had made bad decisions because she died. (This thought was quickly followed by guilt because even though there are children with Trisomy 18 that are alive and even in their teens, or older!, I know Lilly lived longer than most. My heart hurts for the families who lost their T-18 children in the womb, or so quickly after their births.)  Then I felt angry about how I found Lilly dead, after her nap.  That I couldn't prevent it.  That her body was so cold.  I felt mad about how it gets confusing at times when people ask me how many children I have, or I am setting the table and trying to figure out how many places to set.  I felt mad that my children have to take treks to their sister's grave instead of getting to play with her.  Etc etc.

Now I wasn't furious and in a rage or anything.  I just felt rather mad.  I wasn't mad at God or anyone in particular.  It was just an "I'm angry in general" sort of feeling.  And then it was gone.  I know that anger is a "normal" part of grief.  So why am I feeling it about 2.5 years after Lilly's death?  Is that part normal?  Obviously it is for me.  I've always been one to suppress my feelings/emotions so sure, this is normal for me.  That something traumatic sort of leaks out later on.  We all mourn differently.

Earlier this week, I took down all of Lilly's dresses that I have hanging up, and washed them.  I put them back on their hangers then arranged them back on the rack on the wall.  I didn't feel any anger.  I felt some sadness, but didn't cry or anything.  I dusted off Lilly's things on my dresser and found a few things that I decided to put away, out of sight.  I have been finding, the past few months, as I have been cleaning, organizing, and painting rooms in the house, that I do not feel the need to have as much of Lilly's stuff out on display anymore.

This sort of worried me at first because I sure didn't want anyone (or me) to think she wasn't important to me anymore, or I was forgetting about her.  I can't get through a day without thinking of her many times.  But, maybe that just means I am healing.  I know she's in my heart and mind forever and if I decide, for example, I don't need ALL the church dresses she ever wore constantly on display, then that's OK.

I have a friend that lost her daughter, at 6 months, to Down Syndrome.   (She had many heart problems.)  My friend mentioned having "a box" for her daughter's things.  I was stunned.  Only ONE box?  My friend noted her daughter had died 12 years ago.  I thought about it.  I have boxes and boxes and boxes of Lilly's things!  I have a bunch of those rubbermaid type totes in the attic full of all the clothes she ever wore. A tote with her blankets.  A tote with her toys. Special things of her's scattered around the house.  Most of her medical stuff in the bathroom closet.  Etc.  I wondered if I would ever be able to narrow things down - or if I would even want to.

But this summer, like I said, I have actually felt fine about putting SOME things away.  Not giving anything away.  Not yet.  But just not needing so much right in front of me.

What will this journey bring next, I have no idea.  It's been a roller coaster.  But I don't regret a day of it.  I am thankful for all 529 of Lilly's days.  No matter how long I hurt missing her, it was so worth every second of having her.

Lilly at 6 months

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

Book on Grief: I Will Carry You by Angie Smith

Several months after Lilly died, I received the book I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith in the mail.  The book was from a complete stranger, a woman that had read about Lilly's death in the Samaritan Ministries newsletter.  (Samaritan Ministries is our alternative healthcare.  It is an awesome group to be a part of and yes - almost all of Lilly's medical bills were paid.)  The woman enclosed a card which read:

When I read about the loss of Lillian in the Samaritan Newsletter, my heart broke for your family.  While I have suffered a miscarriage in the past, I won't pretend that I can imagine what you are feeling, the pain of losing a child you have held, loved and cared for.  Angie Smith's story has been a vital tool on my journey to healing, not just from the loss of our baby, but also from the many hurts and disappointments this life has dealt.  When the time is right, I pray God can use her book in your life, too.
I now understand that many of us come to you feeling the need to help "fix" how you feel with our words and even scripture, but the simple truth is, we can't.  I realize "our faith gives us the sure hope of seeing [Lillian] again, but the hope does not take away the pain." (Gregory Floyd)
So I close with a long-distance hug and assurance that I and many others have been and will continue praying for you.

Isn't that such a sweet note?  Of all the books we received on grief, this is the one I wanted to read the most.  Yet I was unable to even read the back cover without crying.  I picked it up numerous times in the last 2 years, teared up, and put it back down.  Finally I determined early last week that now was the time.  Lilly's 4th birthday was coming up, making it her 3rd without us, and I just felt like I was ready to read it.  That I needed to read it.

First night of reading - no tears.  Accomplishment!  After that, I cried off and on while reading, but overall handled the story well.  I finished the book without crumpling into a heap on the floor. That made me feel triumphant.  It means that I've healed some.

Angie Smith is the wife of Todd Smith, the lead singer of the Christian group Selah.  When she was 18 weeks pregnant, they found out Audrey had a number of conditions that earned her the dreaded label "incompatible with life."

Angie described the roller coaster ride that her pregnancy was.  She cried.  A lot.  I was struck by this and all the many similarities between what happened with her family and Audrey and our family with Lilly.  But I dealt emotionally with some things differently than Angie.  Honestly Angie probably took the more healthy approach.  She cried and talked about what was happening a lot.  I didn't so much.  While pregnant with Lilly I put my numb/detached wall up and refused to think anything other than "I will bring this baby home from the hospital."

Audrey was born by c-section.  She was tiny - 3 lbs.  And much to her family's delight, she lived for 2.5 hours.  They loved on her, talked to her, sang to her, and extended family was at the hospital to meet her.  They dressed Audrey up and had beautiful pictures made with her through Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.

[NOTE:  I got all the photos used in this blogpost today from Google Images.]

The Smith family with Audrey

They were so thankful to God for that time with her alive in their arms.  When Audrey's little damaged heart finally stopped beating, she slipped away quietly.  Look at her beautiful little face:

Audrey

One thing the Smith family did during Angie's pregnancy with Audrey that I really really think was a great idea was that because they did not know if Audrey would live, they enjoyed doing things with Audrey while she was still in the womb.  They talked to her, sang to her, read to her.  They took her to the theater, movies, the ballet.  Todd's group Selah recorded a song for her - "Audrey's Song."  When the song was recorded, they put headphones on Angie's belly so Audrey could hear the song.  The Smiths' 3 other girls wanted their sister to go to Disney World with them.  The family made the trip.

Notice the hat for Audrey

Angie discusses the story of Jesus, Mary and Martha, and the death of Lazarus in quite a few places in the book.  She took great comfort from that story and analyzed it in ways I have never thought of.  Very interesting and comforting.

In the back of the book, there is a section that Todd wrote for fathers.  I think this was such a good idea to include that since I think in general, fathers do not get the attention and help that mothers do, in the grieving process.

Angie also has a chapter on helping children grieve.  As we've done a number of things that she talked about, I can say that "yes" they are things that helped.  Angie noted that her girls often drew pictures with coffins in them.  That reminded me of how Hunter went through a phase of playing funeral.  He would "bury" his stuffed dog Sam.  Hunter was 3 when Lilly died, and in the 6 months proceeding her death, we had also buried Frank's father and uncle.  Then a few months after burying Lilly, a baby at church died and Hunter asked "Oh, did that baby have Trisomy 18 too?"  Hunter was 4 when he cried about Lilly.  Children process things differently, depending on their ages and maturity level.

And really, adults process things differently at different stages too.  I doubt there are two people in the world that grieve in the exact same way at the exact same time.

Finally, Angie has a section of helpful resources.  Books, websites, and memorial ideas.

You may recall that earlier this year, I gave away Angie Smith's children's book Audrey Bunny for Trisomy 18 Awareness Day.  (My post is here.)   This is a book about a bunny that has a mark on her heart and she tries to hide it.  But when her "owner" finds it, she loves the bunny anyway.

This bunny is based on the real stuffed bunny that Angie and Todd bought for Audrey when Angie was pregnant.  They had found a bunny with a mark on it's heart and in spite of pressure from the saleswoman at the gift shop to buy one without a mark, they bought it anyway.  It was the perfect bunny for their little girl with the heart issues.

Angie and Todd took the bunny home and showed it to their little girls and explained that Audrey's heart had "a boo boo."  The little girls put bandaids on the bunny's heart.  Isn't that sweet?  And I think a very helpful tool in teaching those little girls about their sister.

I'm so thankful I finally got the courage/strength to read this book.  Tabby took it from me the day after I finished it and read the whole book in a morning.  She liked it too.  I think it is a helpful book for anyone.  Even if you haven't lost a child,  I Will Carry You can help you better understand those that did and how you might help.

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.  For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. - 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

--
note: This blog post contains amazon.com affiliate links. If I ever make any money from book purchases through these links, the money will be used to bless others through the Lilly Memorial Fund. :)

Solomon's Lilly-colored outfit

The stores are flooded now, all in preparation of July 4th already.  It hurts my heart to see all the little red-white-and-blue dresses.  Tabby and I keep pointing them out to each other saying how cute Lilly would have looked in them.  I finally made myself feel a little better the other day, by getting Solomon a Lilly-colored outfit special for his angel sister's 4th of July birthday:

Recently I read on Julia's blog (written by the mama of a Trisomy 18 angel, the little girl that passed away the day after Lilly) that she had just finished a photography class for mothers that had lost a child.  (Read her post here.)  Healing through photography - I find that a fantastic idea.  It is called Illuminate.  Here is the website:  http://www.berylaynyoung.com/illuminate/   This is something I'd be very interested in doing at some point.

Solomon has joined the ranks of babies/toddlers everywhere that love getting into cabinets.  I didn't mind as I was able to get a few kitchen chores done:

 

The chicks continue to grow rapidly.  Tabby has taken over most of their care and they all love her and flock to her:

Her most aggressive fan is the chick she's named Friendly:

The mama of Hannah, an angel baby girl (Trisomy 18) shared the below drawing with me recently.  Her youngest daughter drew this picture of her family and she included her sister Hannah along with Lilly and Jesus in heaven.  I thought it was so sweet.  Look at the big smiles on Lilly and Hannah's faces! 

I'm so looking forward to seeing my smiling Lilly girl in heaven one day, and meeting her special friend Hannah! 

A Change in Perspective

The other night, I saw this picture on a post by Caleb's mom. The words struck me:

The sky never looked so beautiful until Heaven took you.

Ever since Lilly died I've felt like the sky has dimmed. The sun was no longer as bright. Even though I see all the beauty of spring outside, it's not the same.

However, yesterday I kept thinking of the words on this picture. I used it to begin to transform my thinking. Now my eyes are so often drawn to the sky and I think "How beautiful! My Lilly is up there smiling!" Thank you God!

In thinking about how just a few words could help me change how I felt, I was reminded of the part of 2 Corinthians 10:5 where we are urged to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." There is freedom and power in being able to do that. Not that it's always easy!

Today I skimmed a short e-book that I saw linked in a post in a Trisomy Angels group. It is written by a mom of a baby named Cora that lived for five days. (She had a heart defect and her death was a surprise.) The e-book is called "When A Friend's Baby Dies." (Click the title for a direct link. Here is the homepage of the website: http://corashopesanddreams.org/ ) I thought the author had a lot of very useful things to say and that the e-book is a very good resource. It is FREE. So download it and save it for when you might need it!

I've mentioned several times before, that this grieving process over Lilly has been teaching me a lot about how to better support others going through this. I still have a lot to learn though, so I appreciate ideas from others.