Funny animals are "good medicine" AND more on July 4th

I was fighting depression off and on last week.  I know it was simply that "anniversary depression" because of Miss Lilly's birthday.  Yesterday something highly amusing to me happened, and that seemed to "bring me back" and I've been feeling OK since.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." - Proverbs 17:22

What happened was that yesterday morning, the boys and I walked the perimeter of the goat area, to be sure the fence was OK and all looked well.  One of our dogs, Dixie, came along with us as usual.  But then we were joined by an unlikely companion - our rooster Chanticleer.  As we entered the path into the woods, I figured the rooster would turn around in a minute or so.  But he did not!  That rooster proceeded to follow us the entire route, which took a good 10 minutes since we stopped to look at things a couple times.  Chanticleer even kept up a quick pace, following us at a jog.  It just struck me as something so hilarious since I've only taken dogs for walks.  A rooster going for a walk?  Chanticleer did stop once and when he went off the path, Dixie took it upon herself to quickly bark at him and herd him back to the path.  Hunter and I were cracking up.  :)

We are enjoying all the goats, though sadly one had to be put down last week.  Topaz had a messed up leg and it wasn't getting any better.  So the L family came and got her.  Another nanny goat - Nausette - is still quite sick.  I've been using some of Lilly's syringes to squirt water mixed with probiotics into her throat, and also giving her a really strong dewormer.  Since the antibiotic we gave her recently didn't help, we've ruled out pneumonia, and think it's bad parasites in her lungs.  The kids have been praying faithfully for Nausette's healing so that she doesn't have to be put down too.  I learned so much medically in caring for Lilly and honestly am enjoying this "outlet" in caring for this sick goat.  I am sure that sounds weird, but that's how I feel.  Though I do hope she gets better quickly of course!

Tabby is such a mama to our chickens still.  I often glance out the window and see her micro-managing them.  I most enjoy seeing her chase them!  She loves holding them.  You can see how big they've gotten in this picture.

Well that's our "farm update."  I thought I'd share a little more about our celebration of Independence Day / Lilly's birthday.

The day before the 4th, we stopped at the dollar store and bought birthday balloons.  Both Tabby and Hunter each picked out three, to release later at Lilly's grave.  While in line to pay, this elderly woman was talking to another woman in line about the birthday balloons that person was buying.  They were for a girl's birthday.  The elderly woman was very upbeat and turned to Tabby and said something to her about her balloons.  I heard Tabby respond "They are for my little sister."  The woman asked her how old her sister was turning.  Tabby told her that her sister would have been 3, but she was dead, and were taking them to her grave.  I glanced at the woman and our eyes locked.  I suddenly wanted to burst into tears so I was only about to smile a little.  The woman just got the most crestfallen look on her face.  She said quietly "That is a very sweet gesture" then stepped back in line and just stared at the floor. 

Later that day, one of the balloons Hunter had chosen blew right out the door of our vehicle.  I was so disappointed but Hunter cheerfully said "Lilly is getting a birthday balloon a day early!  See that balloon is going right up to her in heaven!"  Love his attitude.

On the morning of the 4th, I decorated the angel food cake I made for Lilly's birthday:

I dressed Solomon in his Lilly-colored outfit:

 Then we headed to the town of Belhaven for their parade.  While waiting we got to first hang out in my sister-in-law's bakery - Gingerbread Bakery.  YUM!!  Hunter and I both enjoyed Lilly-colored gingerbread men:

LillyBear was with us to watch the parade:

My mother-in-law was in the parade representing the Pantego Academy Historical Museum, this year dressed as an Indian:

After the parade we had lunch, sang happy birthday to Lilly, and enjoyed her cake.  My previous post has pictures of our balloon release at Lilly's grave.

When we got home that evening, I had a special surprise in Lilly's garden.  Some red lily flowers had opened up that day.  A "hello I'm doing great!" from Lilly maybe?

Happy 3rd birthday Lilly

Happy 3rd birthday, Little Firecracker!  You are greatly missed but I know heaven is perfect.

Lilly's above photo is featured on the homepage of SOFT today. 

We took Lilly balloons to her grave today and prayed as a family, thanking God for her.

 

Grief is tiring.  I will share more about today later.

In the meantime, if you care to, read my special guest post on Cindy-the-soap-nuts-lady's blog.  It is titled "Lessons I Have Learned from my Children."   Thanks Cindy for the opportunity!

Visits to the hospital and Lilly's grave for Mother's Day

Warning - if you only like to ready happy, jolly Mother's day posts then stop reading here!

Every since Lilly entered my life, Mother's Day has been a jumbled up day.  The one Mother's Day we were blessed to spend together, she was in the hospital with a virus.  She code blued that morning and almost died right before my eyes.  I just re-read the blog post I had written about it, and thought about how numb I was writing it.  It conveys very little of the complete horror and all the emotions I felt, and much description.  But of course I won't forget and I can still see much of the scene played over in my mind very clearly.

Aside from my Lilly though, Mother's Day makes me think of so many other children I know of who are now in heaven.  Not only so very very many other children that had Trisomy 18 like Lilly did, but some children that were healthy otherwise, but died in an accident.  And quite a few miscarried babies.  My heart aches for these other moms.  Mother's Day is just a reminder of all that.  Not that we don't think about our angel children every single day anyway.  But somehow Mother's Day is just more "in your face."  Makes me wonder who made up Mother's Day - was it a greeting card company?

Did you know that the Sunday before Mother's Day is Bereaved Mother's Day?  Now that's not happy sounding at all.  But at least those mom's and children get the official "in your face" recognition.  Only most probably don't because not a lot of people know about it.  Maybe those greeting card companies would help out by publicizing it more.  Aaron is a 3 year old boy who is still living, in spite of having Trisomy 18 and being through many hospitalizations.  His mother wrote a very good blog post on Bereaved Mother's Day which you can read here. 

I appreciate so much of the work done by SOFT, a support organization for Trisomy 18, 13, and related disorders.  This weekend they put up a moving banner of Trisomy children and their mommies.  It makes me feel good that they find so many ways to honor Trisomy children and their families.  Lilly and I are included in the mommy collages!  (Go to their homepage and scroll down.)  They have the below picture of us cropped and in the first three collages.  (You can click on the little round buttons at the bottom of the collage to get to those pages.)  The reason I choose this picture of Lilly and I from her 1st birthday party was because of the huge milestone it was for her to reach that day.

We started off Mother's Day this year with a trip to the ... emergency room!  My husband must have thought that would make the day extra memorable for us.  (Actually his mama made him go!)  On Saturday he said his finger was bothering him (it looked like he had a blood blister that was growing) and that he felt incredibly tired.  By yesterday morning his finger was huge and gross and a dark oozing purple.  It really hurt him and he could barely keep his eyes open.  My brother-in-law took him to the emergency room.  They are guessing he got a spider bite and cut the wound open and drained it.  Gave him an antibiotic by IV and a pain killer.  They did a quick test on his blood and that came back normal.  Then they sent him home with a prescription for more antibiotic.  Lord willing, he'll be feeling back to normal before long.

In the afternoon, we visited Miss Lilly's grave and took her a new wreath.  Even though I know it's just her body in the ground - that her soul is in heaven and her memories with me wherever I go - it felt good being at her grave.  Another physical reminder that she lived on this earth with us.  Here is Solomon by Lilly's graveside yesterday:

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2

Lilly's new wreath

Today I bought myself a Mother's Day gift:  a new Lilly-colored wreath for Lilly's grave.  The wreath that she currently has on her grave has been there for over a year.  I love it but it's worn out.  I haven't had luck with flowers at her grave - both beautiful spreads disappeared quickly.  But her wreath has lasted.  I got this wreath at A.C. Moore today and it was on sale.  I don't like it as much as the current wreath, though it's certainly lovely.

I would really like to learn to make my own wreaths for Lilly's grave.  I've made a few wreaths in my life, but never anything that needed to be weatherproof.  I saw a lot of the netting kind of ribbon for sale today, in Lilly colors.  I will take a closer look at the old wreath, and study this new one, to see how they did it.  Of course I don't need any new projects!  But it would be special to me to make my daughter's grave decorations myself.

I like that the new wreath has some pink lily flowers and two red-white-blue stuffed animals.  Only I'm not sure how stuffed animals will hold up outside.  But they are sweet looking.

Tomorrow is our big day to take our first Lilly Memorial Project donation to the hospital.  It's been ready for a few weeks now, but the boys and I got so sick for a couple of weeks we had to wait.  But we're all set to go tomorrow.  I was trying to figure out how to get everything from the parking garage to the hospital and decided to try our wagon to see if that would hold everything.  I think it will work fine, as long as I tie everything down.  Here is Hunter trying it out:

Any one of you that knows Hunter, knows his stuffed German Shepherd dog Sam.  Sam has been Hunter's loyal dog for 3 of Hunter's 4 years of life.  Hunter lives through Sam and is always talking about what Sam can do or doesn't like, etc.  Recently Sam went missing.  It was a very sad time for Hunter.  We prayed several times a day to find Sam.  He talked frequently about how sad he felt.  He even posted this sign:

(It says:  Sam please come to Hunter)

Thankfully, 6 days later Sam turned up.  In the bottom of the laundry hamper!  Hunter was one happy, grateful little boy.

What was lost was found.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" - Philippians 4:4

A pinwheel & an amazing museum

Yesterday we paid a short visit to Miss Lilly's grave.   I had bought her a little present I picked up the other day.  Just a simple Lilly colored pinwheel.  But it looked cheerful.  Sometimes when I'm out at a store, I enjoy buying a little something for one of our children.  Lilly is no exception.   

I was pleased to see that her gravestone looked very clean.  Maybe it's from all the rain we've had.  Her wreath is getting pretty old and tired, though.  I need to think of replacing it.  I've been pleased that it has lasted a whole year.

This past Saturday we took a field trip to the Brady C. Jefcoat Museum in Murfreesboro, N.C.  It was such a fascinating place to visit. Mr. Jefcoat (once a plumber, electrician, and contractor - now living in a retirement home) began collecting interesting things over 35 years ago.  Some things date back to the 1850s.  (Note that at this time, the museum is only opened on the weekend, and there is an admission charge.)  I don't think I've ever been in a museum where I have said "Oh wow!" so much.  :)

  I know I have NEVER seen such huge variety in one person's collections before.  Every time we walked into another room we were amazed!  Taxidermy animals, weapons, glassware, antique toys, furniture, farm tools, old appliances, phonographs, rubber stamps ... etc etc etc!  (There are over 13,000 items on display - it takes up 3 floors and more than 17,000 square feet in a historical high school.  And apparently there's even more that is not on display!)  

He has the largest collection of antique irons in the world - 992 of them.  (You'd think he would buy 8 more to round that collection up to 1,000):

Hunter loves dogs and washing machines.  So he was DELIGHTED to see a dog powered washing machine downstairs in the museum, among the world's largest collection of old washing machines.  His stuffed dog Woofie is in the picture:

 Another neat thing about the museum is that visitors are allowed to touch almost everything.  There are some things behind glass, and a few things roped off, but not much.  One thing that visitors may not touch is the below courtship couch from the set of "Gone With The Wind."  (It can be seen towards the beginning of the movie.)  The couch has been recovered since the movie.

I don't have any more time to work on this post, so I will end here, with a picture of a Lilly colored phone from the museum:

I had to wonder - did anyone have to dust all these things??!!

Day 17: One year ago today

This is is my seventeenth and final post in a series of seventeen.  17 days of remembering Lilly's 17 months of life.  Today is her one year angelversary.

The most horrific moment of my life was one year ago today, when I went to wake Lilly from her afternoon nap and found her dead.  (See this link for details.)  How she looked and felt is forever burned into my mind.  Yet I am so glad it was me that found her.  Driving home from a visit to Lilly's grave today, we talked about how many amazing details of Lilly's life and death that God worked out.  It really is incredible. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

 Frank and Hunter cleaned Lilly's gravestone, and the stone of Wendi, Frank's sister that is buried right beside Lilly:

We gave Lilly her Christmas present - a Lilly colored Christmas tree!  

Solomon was quite fussy at the graveside today.  Maybe it was good - it kept me distracted.

We all shared some of Lilly's special chocolate.  

We miss you sweet Lilly girl, but know you are in a perfect place.  We echo the verse on Lilly's gravestone:

[King David speaking after his baby died] "I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” - 2 Samuel 12:23 

Beautiful symbolic butterflies ...

This heart is a bit hard to read, but it says "Trisomy Families touch the hearts of everyone around them forever."  I thought that was beautiful and so true!  I continue to be amazed at the number of people who tell us how much Lilly, and our family, has touched their lives.  I love know that Lilly's life was so far reaching and had so much meaning.  And I can see that in the lives of other Trisomy children who's families I have gotten to know.

I got an email from D.P. who keeps an eye on Lilly's grave when she can.  She said that in driving by the cemetery the day after a storm, she noticed Lilly's wreath had blown over and so she stopped and put it back in place.  I was so thankful!  Because if it was left on the ground, the wreath probably would have blown away and gotten thrown out.  D. shared that when she stopped at Lilly's grave, there were two butterflies fluttering over Lilly and Wendi's stones.  (Wendi is my husband's sister, who died in her teens, and Lilly is buried right next to her.)  The butterflies continued to circle until D. fixed the wreath, then fluttered off together.  I love it!  My children often say that Lilly lives in a mansion in heaven with Wendi and Pop.  (Pop is my father-in-law.)  T. said that the smaller butterfly D. described must have been Lilly, and the larger, Wendi.  Thank you D.!  (I've never even met this woman, but so appreciate her kindness.)

Lilly had the first Trisomy 18 angel story posted on the Trisomy 13 support group - Living With Trisomy 13.  I love the butterfly frames added around Lilly's pictures on the webpage.  You can read her story at:  http://www.livingwithtri13.org/albumlittlefirecracker.html .  I've used the same story for Lilly before.  I just haven't been able to write another summary like that.  Thank you Vanessa for posting Lilly's story!

Speaking of butterflies, Lilly is on a waiting list with Triplet Butterfly Wings  for a special butterfly release and photo in her honor.  This mom, who lost triplets, raises butterflies and then releases them in her special garden (a garden in memory of her own babies).  Each butterfly is in honor of an angel baby and she photographs them as they are released.  Look at her blog and see how beautiful the pictures are.  I recently noticed that this mom makes and donates burial wraps and hats to hospitals. 

My own Lilly Memorial Project, in honor of angel babies, is slowly coming together.  I got another preemie boy outfit off Ebay the other day:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

A visitor for Lilly

The other day, I was so touched to receive an email from D., who said that she had been reading Lilly's blog for the last year after a cousin of my husband had told her about it. She said she had been at Oakdale, the cemetery Lilly was buried at, to check on her parents gravesite. She knew that Lilly had been buried in that cemetery and as she was leaving, a beautiful red, white, and blue wreath caught her eye.

D. felt it was Lilly "winking" at her and she stopped and checked and sure enough, it was Lilly's grave. She said she knelt down to say "hello" to Lilly, and to say a prayer for us.

She took the picture I posted today and said everything seemed so peaceful. I was SO happy to see Lilly's wreath was still there and intact. I had been worried it would blow away like her beautiful flowers we had placed there.

It doesn't look like we will get a chance to visit Lilly's grave this month, unlike every month since she died. (She is buried a bit over 2 hours away from us.) And that bothered me. So I was extra thankful to get D.'s e-mail and pictures that all was well. I told my husband the other day that it would mean a lot to me if we could visit Lilly's grave on Mother's Day. Somehow it would just feel more complete.

So thank you again D. for your kindness and for taking the time to visit Lilly and to contact me. My family and I are so grateful!

I have had a number of things happen in my life that have left me tending to be standoffish and untrusting of people. But so many people, including strangers, continue to reach out to us with such thoughtfulness, that it has made a huge impression on me and has really restored a lot of my faith in people. I find myself reaching out to others a lot more. So thank you God and thank you Lilly! :)

Lilly was an author?!

This past Monday we visited Lilly's grave. We took the beautiful "Lilly themed/colored" wreath we had been given as a gift. I had wired it well to the wreath stand and I pushed the bottom parts of the stand a couple inches down into the ground. I hope that it is secure!

Lilly is buried at Oakdale Cemetery in Washington, North Carolina. It is an old cemetery with quite a number of people buried in the 1800s. There is a confederate monument there. There are a number of wonderful, big old trees. I've realized that trees in a cemetery are useful in many ways - one way being that they help block wind! But it's still pretty windy there. I hope the wreath lasts a long time anyway. (I'm thinking of the beautiful flowers we took that blew away.)

While we were there we cleaned up Lilly's stone a little. There was some dirt in the lettering. She is buried next to my husband's youngest sister and her stone needed a lot of cleaning and the grass cleared back some from it. I had never really thought about grave upkeep before this year. But it's definitely something I want to do throughout my life.

After being at Lilly's grave for awhile, we continued on to my mother-in-law's house and stayed there through yesterday. She has several dolls displayed in her home and one kept catching my attention. I wasn't sure why at first but then it suddenly it me - this doll (2nd photo) reminded me of Lilly! Something about the little mouth and nose, and big eyes, something in the expression - it's just Lilly-ish.

On a recent blogpost, my sister-in-law N. left a really neat comment :

Happy Memories.... My friend Lou from England told me last night that she was out and about yesterday and saw a lady with a baby. Lou was intrigued by this baby which reminded her so much of Lilly and evidently was staring so, that the mother finally told her to "take a picture!". The mother thought Lou was being rude. Lou apologized but the mother was offended and told her that her daughter was not a freak show. When they got outside of whatever store they had been in, Lou approached the mother again and apologized and asked if her daughter had Trisomy. The mom was shocked and pleased and asked if Lou was a doctor. She'd never had anyone know about Trisomy besides doctors. This lead to a short discussion of how Lou knew about Trisomy and the mother was so touched that Lou cared and she WANTED to talk about her daughter. :) Thank you for sharing Lilly with the world and educating the public. Including myself.

I was so glad N. shared this! And it shows you - so many of these Trisomy 18 babies just have so many similar features. So that Lou, who had seen pictures of Lilly, was able to recognize one in public! I love it. Trisomy 18 awareness at a "grassroots" level.

My mother-in-law gave me a delightful book by an author named Lillian Hollowell! (Lilly's full name is "Lillian Eva Hollowell.") I was so surprised when she told me recently about the book, which she bought off Ebay. If it weren't such an old book I'd be suspicious that our Lilly had been busy working on it at night while we slept. :)

The book is titled A Book of Children's Literature and was published in 1939. The author complied many many classic stories, prose, poetry, and biographies for the book. We will be using it for homeschool for sure!

Yesterday marked 3 months that Lilly has been in heaven. It seems like forever ago. We remain grateful for every second we had with her. I think of Lilly when I read this scripture:

"Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" - 2 Corinthians 9:15

A wreath and a survey

Last month we received this beautiful "Lilly colored/themed" wreath as a gift. Three families bid on it together at an auction that the private school that my husband works for had. The families bought it thinking we might like it for Lilly's grave. We were so touched by their thoughtfulness.

We hung the wreath up in our living room to enjoy for several weeks. Yesterday I took it down and secured it well (I hope!) with wire onto a wreath stand. We are planning to go visit Lilly's grave tomorrow and are taking the wreath. I am so looking forward to it.

Recently on the Trisomy 18 Mommies group on Facebook, someone asked the question if during ultrsounds, if we were told if their baby had a two or three vessel cord. (Normally there are 2 arteries and 1 vein in the umbilical cord.) The results were interesting in that the majority of parents responded that they had been told they only had a two vessel cord. I had a two vessel cord with Lilly. It really is interesting all the similiarities so many of our Trisomy 18 babies have in the womb, that can be identified by ultrasound. (And interesting that so many babies problems are never even noticed on ultrasound.)

Ultrasound is amazing, but not perfect. However, God is perfect! Look at verse 15 in particular here:

"13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." - Psalm 139:13-15

I used verse 13 on my latest version of Lilly's business card: