Mommy: Please Don't Cry

Mommy, Please Don't Cry: There Are No Tears in Heaven. 

This is the title to a beautiful book by Linda DeYmaz that I received recently from Hannah's mom.  The artwork in the book, by Laurie Snow Hein, is gorgeous.  The pictures and words make me smile through my tears every time I open the book.  (Well actually I don't have to open the book - that happens when I just read the title.)

The author wrote the book in memory of her little girl, Alexandra, "who went to be with Jesus on Easter morning, 1995."  The book is dedicated to "mothers everywhere who have experienced the deep sorrow of losing a child."

A simple story flows on the beautiful pages and is written from a child's point of view.  A child that made the journey to heaven and wants to assure their mommy that they are happy and well. Also scattered through the book some scriptures that are comforting.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." - Revelation 21:4

I was going to share my favorite page but I can't decide which one it is!  So I'll just share the last page of the story.  It has a beautiful little girl on it holding flowers and says "Mommy, please don't cry ... I'll wait right here for you."

What a message of hope!

The last section of the book has several journaling pages.  The topics at the top of the pages: 

- "My thoughts and prayers for you:"
- "These were my dreams for you:"
- "Because of you I have learned so much:"

The final page in the book has a dedication page for the reader to write in their child's name.  "In Memory of ____________ You went to Heaven On ____________"

My little review of this book can not do it justice.  But I know this is one book that I will be giving as a gift in the future to moms who's children are called home early.

Merry Christmas from Heaven!

caption on Lilly ornament:

I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear, cause I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year
 

"Merry Christmas from Heaven" by John Wm. Mooney, Jr.

I still hear the songs,
I still see the lights
I still feel your love on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes and all of your cares
I'll even remind you to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you, you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment, to stay in His grace
I came here before you to help set your place

You don't have to be perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb

To my family and friends, 
Please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you,
In a new special way

I love you all dearly,
Now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year.


Sweet and sad, isn't it?  So now for some smiles:

Clive was hiding in Lilly's angel stocking this morning:

Merry Christmas from our elf and LillyBear:

Solomon says, "Merry Christmas in heaven, big sister Lilly, you couldn't be in a better place!"

Today is Christmas Adam

We have a joke in my family - we call the "eve" of an "eve" an "adam."  So, since tomorrow is Christmas Eve, we call today "Christmas Adam."  (playing off of the first people God created - Adam and Eve)

LillyBear is enjoying the day:

I like traditions.  I used to have a lot more Christmas traditions than I do now.  Having Lilly gave me a different - and better I think - perspective on a lot of things.  But one tradition that I still really enjoy is our annual trek to the Jordan Lake Christmas Tree Farm.  Lilly went with us for two years.  And this year we were thankful to take Solomon with us.  We cut our tree a couple weeks ago.  I got out Lilly's Santa hat for Solomon to wear.

I thought she would like knowing her baby brother was wearing it.

We all enjoyed showing Solomon around the tree farm:

Solomon seemed to enjoy the hayride almost as much as Hunter.  (Hunter loves tractors):

The family that runs the Christmas Tree farm also has a gift shop on their property.  We always enjoy looking at what they're selling, though I've only bought something once.  Solomon liked the big red Santa:

But he did NOT like the green Santa:

Finally, one of our favorite pictures of Lilly at the Christmas tree farm is of her being a "tree topper":

So we decided that we needed to have a picture of Solomon being a "tree topper" too:

Traditions.  They can bring joy.  They can bring heartache when there are changes.  But we all seem to need some.

So merry Christmas Adam!

Lilly's snowflake memorial tree

Did you know that every single snowflake is different? Think about it.  Isn't that mind boggling?  Most snowflakes, or crystals, have six branches though some have three.  Wilson Bentley, better known as "Snowflake Bentley", lived from 1865 to 1931.  He dedicated his life to studying snowflakes.  Fascinated by the snow from the time he was a young boy, his world changed when his mother gave him an old microscope.  After observing snow crystals up close, he noted:

"I found that snowflakes were masterpieces of design.  No one design was ever repeated.  When a snowflake melted . . . just that much beauty was gone, without leaving any record behind." (quote from Snowflake Bentley by Jacqueline Briggs Martin)

As an example, look at the below four snowflakes.  These are all printouts of actual pictures of snowflakes taken by Snowflake Bentley.  (He had a special camera with a microscope at the end).
       

Amazing isn't it?  Especially with you think about this only being four out of a countless number of snowflakes!  Each are based on that hexagonal pattern but each are unique.

The Trisomy 13/18 children remind me of snowflakes.  Each are similar but yet each are unique.

This month Lilly's memorial tree is covered with 127 snowflakes.  Each one, like the above, is an actual snowflake picture.  Each one has the name of a Trisomy angel child and the date they passed away.

I had already planned to make a snowflake tree with Lilly's Trisomy friends for this month.  But my idea ended up taking a bit of a different twist for this year.  I joined a group of moms in a Facebook project called Our Angels Light up the World for Christmas.  We shared the name and date of our angel children and a grandma of a T-18 angel compiled them into a list for us.  We each said we would honor each other's angel children on our tree.

Lilly's tree is completely covered on all sides by these 127 snowflake ornaments that I made:

It is beautiful and sobering.  Especially when I think about all the other angel children I know who are not represented on the tree.  (I just stuck to the official list this year.)

I got my snowflake clipart pictures from Dover's Bentley's Snowflakes book.  It has over 500 of the snowflake images in it in the book and on CD.

Hunter and I have thoroughly enjoyed Jacqueline Briggs Martin's book Snowflake Bentley and have read it repeatedly.  It is a book for children but full of facts and we learned so much.

This quote from the book explains how snowflakes are made and why Snowflake Bentley never found two alike:

"each snowflake begins as a speck, much too tiny to be seen.  Little bits--molecules--of water attach to the speck to form its branches.  As the crystal grows, the branches come together and trap small quantities of air.  Many things affect the way these crystal branches grow.  A little more cold, a bit less wind, or a bit more moisture will mean different shaped branches." 

Wow!  God is so creative how He designed snowflake production!

The last time we played in the snow with Lilly, we had no idea just how amazing it was!  (picture from 2010)

Clive: Our "Elf on the Shelf"

Just a quick "for fun" post today.  :)  Last December we got an Elf on the Shelf book and elf doll set.  I've forgotten a lot about the story in the book, but we had a lot of fun playing hide and seek with the elf doll.  Each night before bed I would hide our elf in a different location in the house.  Tabby and Hunter loved to look for him the next morning.  We named our elf "Clive."

This December we're having fun doing this again.  Can you spot Clive in this photo?

That's right - he's hanging out with Lilly's crazy sock monkey. 

Today Clive was reading Hunter's favorite Christmas book Are you Grumpy Santa?:

Does your family have fun with an elf on the shelf?  If so - what did you name your elf? 

Day 17: One year ago today

This is is my seventeenth and final post in a series of seventeen.  17 days of remembering Lilly's 17 months of life.  Today is her one year angelversary.

The most horrific moment of my life was one year ago today, when I went to wake Lilly from her afternoon nap and found her dead.  (See this link for details.)  How she looked and felt is forever burned into my mind.  Yet I am so glad it was me that found her.  Driving home from a visit to Lilly's grave today, we talked about how many amazing details of Lilly's life and death that God worked out.  It really is incredible. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

 Frank and Hunter cleaned Lilly's gravestone, and the stone of Wendi, Frank's sister that is buried right beside Lilly:

We gave Lilly her Christmas present - a Lilly colored Christmas tree!  

Solomon was quite fussy at the graveside today.  Maybe it was good - it kept me distracted.

We all shared some of Lilly's special chocolate.  

We miss you sweet Lilly girl, but know you are in a perfect place.  We echo the verse on Lilly's gravestone:

[King David speaking after his baby died] "I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” - 2 Samuel 12:23 

Day 16: Support

This is is my sixteenth post in a series of seventeen.  17 days of remembering Lilly's 17 months of life as we approach her one year angelversary.

 "The Big Day" is tomorrow.  One year since Lilly was taken from our arms.  When I started posting this series I was dreading the 15th.  I felt really really nervous about it. Yes, even scared.

But now that we're almost there, I actually feel mostly at peace.  Sad.  But at peace.

That means people are praying.  Many people must be praying for us.

Thank you.

 Thank you to everyone who has given us such love and support ever since we learned that there might be something wrong with Lilly.  Thank you to all the people who took the time to learn about Lilly.  Thank you to everyone that has read/still reads this blog.  Thank you to our families.  I feel we drew closer because of Lilly.  Thank you to our friends - both old and new - we are so grateful for you.  Thank you to the many many strangers that have spoken words of kindness to us.  Thank you to Lilly's doctors that grew to love her as they cared for her.

A special thank you to the families in the "Trisomy" world.  We have a deep bond with so many of these families now.  Both angel families and families who still have living Trisomy children.  There are so many of you I have grown to love and appreciate.  I am thankful for the way we bond together.  The way we're there when we need each other.  The way we truly understand each other like no one else can.

I am thankful for my husband Frank and our children, Tabby, Hunter, and Solomon.  We all loved Lilly and still love her.  We are there for each other and smile and cry together.

"We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers.”  - 1 Thessalonians 1:2

I am thankful, most of all, to my Lord for creating Lilly just as she was, and entrusting her to us for 17 months. 

I love what this ornament says, that we received yesterday from the B. family in memory of Lilly - "Fearfully & Wonderfully made - Lillian Eva Hollowell - 7.4.2010-12.15.12 - Now in the arms of Jesus"

And while Lilly is safe in Jesus's arms, I am grateful to God for sending us our rainbow baby to hold and care for.  He has helped to ease the ache in our arms.  Solomon will be 3 months old tomorrow, on big sister Lilly's angelversary.