Oakview Park's Heritage Day

I thought I'd take a break today from my "Capture Your Grief" series and share about our outing to Historic Oak View County Park yesterday.  It was "Heritage Day" and there were a bunch of interesting things to see at this beautiful old farm.  Animals, antique cars, horse drawn wagon rides, vendors, bluegrass music, quilt auction, etc.  (The farmhouse was built in the 1800s and they farmed cotton.)

Hunter and Solomon loved the old Ford tractor.  Hunter liked to shift while Solomon steered:

Tabby was excited to see goats:

This might have been the first rabbit Solomon has seen:

We all like antique cars.  Tabby liked this one:

I've always liked these - reminds me of the mafia:

Antique tractors are a hit too:

One really neat thing we watched was a group of men put a car together, from parts, in under 7 minutes.  The parts were all cast off old car parts that they used to build a funny old looking car that actually ran!  Here is how they started:

 

When it was finished, a man drove it and then let people sit in it.  Solomon thought it was interesting but the steering wheel a bit hot:

Hunter studied the car from every angle and even asked questions:

Turn the crank to start it, Solomon!:

There is an education center near the farmhouse that is a really neat set up.  My favorite area is like a cabin with old kitchen.  The wooden piece here is an icebox:

 
There was even an antique pump vacuum cleaner in that room!  We have only seen one of those online.  (Hunter has loved vacuum's since he was a toddler.)

Solomon was happy to find cabinets to open and close (still his favorite activity):

Other outbuildings of the farmhouse included a kitchen, stable, and barns.  One big 2-story barn had cotton processing equipment in it.

Do you know what this is that Hunter is holding?

 

Answer:  Ford ignition coil.  We found it recently under our car hood and have no idea why it was lying loose under there.  (All the other coils seem to be in place.)  So Hunter asked for the part.  That is what he brought to Oakview and carried it all over the park.  Except at one point, he put it down and lost it.  He was so sad!  As we were leaving Frank suggested we check the lost and found, not thinking we'd actually find it.

But there it was.  Someone had actually turned it in!  The employees were shocked that someone actually came and claimed it!  They had no idea what it was and told each other it was the weirdest thing ever turned in and that there was no hope it's owner would come asking about it.  We all had a good, amazed, laugh.  Hunter thanked God and rejoiced!

The day had turned out pretty hot and it was good to take a bath that evening!

There - now do you feel like you've been to the park too?  That was a lot of pictures, I know.  Oakview is a fun place and the educational center has some neat learning activities for children.  You can see the park's website here.  (The park is located in Raleigh, N.C.)

Capture Your Grief - Days 4 & 5

Day 4: Legacy.
Your child's legacy.

 
Lilly's legacy is both "earned and learned."  Above are some of her things that Tabby and Hunter picked out to keep and cherish.  Tabby choose Lilly's little quilt she died on, her stuffed bunny, her  doll Sunny, and small caterpillar.  Hunter choose her dog Jo-Jo and big caterpillar Argyle.  I will allow Solomon to choose something when he is older.

But these are just things.  Things that Lilly never even played with like a "normal" child.

The biggest legacy she left us was that my family and I now truly see all special needs children as a GIFT.  Not broken or defective.  Not children that we need to be uncomfortable or squeamish around.  Not children we try not to stare at.  No, we look at these children with a big smile now and think how blessed their families are.

How we would love to see our little girl's big beautiful smile once more.

Day 5.  Memory.
What is the first memory of your child that comes to your mind?

It is a jumble.  It depends on the day.  The minute.  The hour.  I can clearly see how Lilly looked when I found her dead.  I remember watching her 3 distinct times when she almost died - wondering if that little soul would leave her body then.  I can't shake the bad memories.


But I don't have one good memory that comes to mind.  That is not just one.  I've been pondering this question for awhile.  I have so many Lilly memories.  Days, smells, landmarks, sounds - these all trigger Lilly memories.  Most are good.  For the most part Lilly was always near me.  In my arms or lap.  Strapped to me in a baby carrier.  In her bouncy seat by me in the kitchen.  On her mat next to me on the floor.  At night I always snuggled and played with her before laying her in her co-sleeper next to me.

Her hair.  Her soft hair that stuck up wildly in sections.  I can almost feel her hair gently tickling my neck and chin as I remember holding her.  I loved that feeling.  The very last time I held her, I picked her up out of her wee white coffin and held her against me and felt her soft hair.  The rest of her body was heavy - it did not feel like Lilly anymore as it was prepared for burial.  But her hair - that was still Lilly.

One of our very best family pictures is of us all by Lilly's coffin with me holding her body.  Why did that have to be one of our best?  I am sitting here tempted to post it.  But I may have depressed you enough.  Instead:

I mentioned in my last post about Laura Ingalls Wilder having a baby boy that died young and how she never mentioned it to people.  A reader reminded me that Laura had also had a baby brother that lived a very short life.  I remembered reading that when I was young.  But when I also re-read it as an adult, post Lilly.  Thinking about Ma Ingalls and what she must have felt losing that little boy feels a lot different to me now than it did when I was younger.  I think of how they buried their little baby in a lonely place and moved far away.  How that must have broke Ma's heart further to leave!  And how sad she did not even have a photo of her boy to remember him by.

How very grateful I am for all my Lilly pictures and video - in full color.  What a precious blessing, one which I continually praise the Lord for.

Capture Your Grief - Day 3

Day 3: Myths
Myths about grief.

 
In MY opinion, one myth about grief seems to be that if you mention the person that passed away, it will make their loved ones more sad.  That they will suddenly remember about them and get upset.

I would say most of us love to hear our baby's name.  Yes it may make us cry.  But guess what - we think about that child very often anyway.  It makes us feel good when someone brings up our baby because it means that person remembered them.  We don't want out babies forgotten.  No matter how short their life was.  Most of us find healing in talking about our dead children.

I say "most."  We all grieve differently.  Those of you that are Little House on the Prairie fans, did you know that Laura and Almanzo Wilder had a baby boy?  He did not live long and apparently Laura did NOT want to talk about her dead son to anyone.  I would say though, that Laura is in the minority.

The other day, my husband shared an article with me entitled "How to Mourn with the Parents of Stillborn and Miscarried Children" by John Patton.  (Read the article here.)  I really liked the last section of the article subtitled "Comforting Those Who Wait for the Resurrection."  Here are 6 things the author lists that can bring comfort to those who have had stillborn babies or had miscarriages (the list is a direct quote):

1. Be content simply to "mourn with those who mourn" (Rom. 12:15). Know that your words of comfort will not be much consolation in the short run, even if you have experienced miscarriage yourself. As with most other kinds of loss, each person's experience is profoundly different.
2. Don't try to be the hero. Your may desire to utter just the right words that will bring healing and resolution to mom and dad's pain. But that desire may arise more from your own struggle to reconcile the reality of death with the hope of Christ than from the need of those suffering to hear your words.
3. Remember mom. Her pain will linger after most people have ceased asking about it. Don't be afraid to broach the subject and encourage her six, nine, or even twelve months after the fact.
4. Remember dad. A miscarriage is not a set of circumstances in which mom suffers the pain and dad gives support. It's tempting to think that mom bears all the pain, but a father feels helpless in his own way. He needs much love and encouragement.
5. Be patient.  My wife and I have struggled over and over again to choose worship and dependence rather than despair or indifference. Sometimes we have failed. Be patient with those who seem not to be "getting over" their loss. Pray for the truth of God's goodness to break through. Love, love, love on your friends who have lost.
6. Read them the Psalms. Just pick them up and start reading. They give lyrical shape to the confusion, anger, pain, relief, hope, and every other possible emotion the suffering feel. Reading the Psalms helps us to live emotionally with a doxological mindset. Psalm 34 has been a key text for me.

 (Again, you can read the whole article here.) 


I would say that list would apply well to anyone mourning a loved one lost at any age.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." - Romans 12:15

Capture Your Grief - Days 1 & 2

 On October 25, 1988, President Ronald Reagan signed Proclamation 5890 which created Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  (You can read the proclamation here.)  This is the first paragraph of the proclamation:

"Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems."

 
 In our country, an infant is defined as a baby up to one year old.  Since Lilly was 17 months old when she died, she would not be considered a part of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

  

But that doesn't matter to me.  I am joining in with thousands of others around the world in a special photography project for this month called "Capture your Grief."  (You can read about it here.)  This was created by Carly Marie, mama of a baby boy in heaven named Christian.  She lives in Australia and does beautiful photography work to bless other grieving parents.  She took all the above photos in today's post.  You can request photos (for a small price) from her on her website at:  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com  

For the "Capture your Grief" project, Carly Marie has listed daily subjects for all 31 days this month.  I don't know if I will do them all, but I definitely want to participate.  (You can share your photos with others on Carly's website, but I am simply going to post mine here on my blog.)  Lately I have felt I need to do something more to remember Lilly.  To spend a little more time with her, if that makes any sense.  So ... here goes!

Day 1:  Sunrise.  
The beginning of my journey for this month.  Here is the view out our front yard.  The sun is hitting my little flag at the end of the driveway.  There is some fog in the cow pasture across the street.  It is beautiful, still, and quiet out:

Day 2: Identity.
Where Lilly got her name.  I blogged about this last year in my series of "17 days remembering Lilly's 17 months."  You can read that post and see the pictures of Lilly's namesakes here.  

I know this photo journey will bring some tears with it.  But I am looking forward to it.  It feels purposeful.  And, I will be holding tight to the scripture that has brought so much comfort to my family and I:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

Character Training

Earlier this year, I read about a character training program called Character First! on the Large Families on Purpose blog.  (You can see that particular post here.  She gives excellent details.)  I was intrigued because I knew I needed some materials to help me better teach character purposefully to my children.

In the homeschool world, I often read about families that simply read books to their children to give them examples of good or bad character.  There are many wonderful books out there like this, one of our favorites being A Hive of Busy Bees by Effie M. Williams.   However, after several years of doing that I was not seeing the fruit I was looking for.  (Maybe we're just super slow learners here?!)  Yes the kids loved the stories, but they were not drawing out the applications I wanted them too - much less applying it to themselves!

Recently after reading a homeschool planning help book called Plan to Be Flexible by Alicia Kazsuk (see my post here), I determined that our two biggest goals for our school year would be growing in Christ, and growing in character.  (Yes they are related, aren't they?)  Oh yes, there will still be plenty of math, history, literature, etc.  But these two things will have the most impact on my children's lives long term. 

I wanted to share a little of how we are doing character training.  After reading the Large Families on Purpose blogpost, I decided to place an order from the Character First website.  I bought the series 1 notebook that had 9 character trait lessons inside. (I'm not seeing that now on their website - it seems they are now selling these teaching guides individually.  You can see them here along with a free sample.)

The first lesson was "Attentiveness."  I thought the 16 page teacher's guide was excellent.  (It has definitions, examples, real life stories, games, and a reproducible coloring page.  The only thing lacking, in my opinion, was scriptural references.  So I decided I would add that in myself.

About this time, Simply Charlotte Mason came out with a companion guide to their habits training handbook Laying Down the Rails. I already owned the book so I bought the new companion, a 2 volume set called Laying Down the Rails for Children.  The first book is a compilation of all of Charlotte Mason's quotes regarding habits, or character traits as we tend to call them.  The companion book set gives scriptures, stories, poems, and questions for each of the habits laid out in the first book.  Perfect!  I looked up the "attentiveness" section and decided what I wanted to use from it.

Let me just say that I think either of these curriculums are excellent on their own.  But I think they are wonderful combined.  We spend 2-3 weeks per trait, doing a little each school day.

Now if you're like me and "like" to make more work for yourself, you can add in some extras from your own imagination.  (Tabby and I often joke with each other that neither of us are able to do things without adding embellishments to them.)  I made the below things up to add to our lessons. (If you would like to see them, please e-mail me - I will be happy to e-mail you pdfs):

1. Copy work page - for Tabby it has the word "attentiveness" and the definition and a bunch of lines for her to write it out.  For Hunter it had the word in all capital letters.  My idea was for him to highlight the letters.  But he did that once and then grabbed his pen and wrote the word.

2. The "I will" page.  Each character trait has 5 "I wills" listed to further illustrate the definition.  (See a listing of 5 "I wills" on the Large Families on Purpose post here.)  Tabby got these as copy work.  For Hunter I made a page of pictures - one properly illustrating each "I will" and the other not.  He was to circle the correct one for each of the 5 "I wills".

3. Several examples from the Bible to which I added (of course) some clip art (I love google images!) to the page.  For one of the examples, I had different pictures illustrating the Last Supper of Christ and the events leading up to it.  I put the pictures in a random order.  Then as I read the account, the kids numbered the pictures showing the order they occurred in.  (My point being if the disciples were not attentive to the instructions Jesus gave them - they would not have had things ready for the Last Supper!)

I think the above was it for paperwork.  Again those were in addition to the stories, discussion, and games that I had already decided to use from Character First! and Laying Down the Rails for Children.

The kids and I all have a weird obsession with notebooks of all kinds, so this study just screamed "3-ring binder!" to personalize and hold our work in:

I also wrote the definition and posted it on our dining room wall:

And put a related quote, by Isaac Newton, on our chalkboard:

Hunter went through a phase of writing "attentiveness" on a bunch of things:

So - how are we doing?  Are we all being excellent at being attentive?  Hmmm we all still need some work.  However, we all have a much, much better grasp on what exactly "attentiveness" is.  The kids will frequently use the word in their conversations with each other.  When someone wants my attention right that second and I am busy I can say "give me one minute and then I can be attentive to you."  That helps them wait patiently because they understand.  Honestly the study has helped ME to develop these traits better too.  :)

The wisest man in the Bible, Solomon, wrote to his son in Proverbs 4:20: "My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings."  He certainly had many sayings that would help us if we would give them our attention and follow them!

We have also gone through the "obedience" booklet.  This week we are going to start our third one, "truthfulness."  Again, these are all things we have been working on throughout our kids lives.  But doing this purposeful study, has helped solidify understand better.  And, everyone has actually been having FUN learning.

Our Solomon is looking forward to the lessons too!  (And I figure we'll go through them all again at some point so he can hear them from the beginning.)

Hunter's alternator explanation

Yay - we have gotten more chicken eggs!  Here is Friendly, our star chicken that has now laid several pink eggs.  She is a Buff:

I labeled an empty egg carton "Friendly's Fresh Eggs" and the next day Thorin, an Americana, added a blue egg:

I know it must sound silly, but I am finding it so exciting to have fresh eggs being laid right in our coop by our own chickens!  It seems magical or something.  :)

I think Solomon must be looking for some of those fresh eggs!  He's such a climber:

 

I am reviewing letter sounds with Hunter, my worksheet loving 5 year old, in homeschool right now.  We needed a picture of an "A" word.  I was throwing out easy words like "ax" or "apple" and then he suddenly came up with "alternator."  (The car part.)  So he drew an alternator.  Then he drew parts hooked onto it.  Then he decided he needed to explain it to me.  Wow.  Here is the picture:

Here is a video of him explaining how an alternator works in a car.  (I hope you can understand ok - he's all stuffy sounding from a cold or allergies):

[Blogger keeps giving me a message that there is an error uploading this video. I will have to try again and see if I can get it to work.]

Peep! First egg, goat milk soap, and Solomon walking video

First, I wanted to share a short video of Solomon walking.  A number of relatives have asked me to post one.  (If you are reading this post via e-mail you may have to click into the blog to view it, if you are interested.)  I took this video after Solomon's bath the other night:

Last evening I heard Tabby yelling something as she burst into the house.  I was afraid something had happened to one of the animals but then she excitedly held out her hand.  The first chicken egg!  And most likely laid by a buff named Friendly.  (You can see a picture of Friendly at Tabby's blog, The Goat Chick, here.)   Tabby ate the egg this morning for breakfast and declared it "delicious!"

The big goat in this picture is Christa, the nanny that Tabby milks each morning:

Last week, Tabby and I finally attempted to make goat milk soap using goat milk courtesy of Christa.  I had done some online research trying to determine which soap recipe to use but it was rather overwhelming because I had never made soap before and felt clueless.  I finally settled on this recipe from the Soap Making Resource website.  The owner seems to be a soap making fanatic so I felt comfortable following his instructions.  :)  I ordered the goat milk soap kit.  It came with step-by-step instructions that were easy to follow.  Here are our supplies:

 Melting the oils (olive, palm kernel, rice bran, coconut, palm, castor) and shea butter:

 

This is the goat milk mixed with lye.  (Guess what it is no LIE that LYE burns.  We used gloves at first but later we got a bit cocky and didn't use them and had a little lye splash on our skin. Ouch!)

Here is the finished soap mixture (everything above combined plus eucalyptus and spearmint essential oils added in) poured into an acrylic mold.  (Supposed to be better for goat milk soap than wood because the soap can stay cooler):

About a day later I popped the soap out.  It was pretty soft.  It is now on a rack for about 6 weeks to cure.  (SIX weeks!  We're so anxious to try it now!)

I really enjoyed the soap making process and plan to make another batch very soon.  Tabby and I would like to sell the soap.  Tabby came up with this name:  "The Goat Chick's Utterly Natural Goat Milk Soap."  Thanks Christa!   

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." - James 1:17