This is our second day of being back to "normal." My husband is back at his job. We're homeschooling again, preschool and 5th grade. Doing chores. Taking walks. Even reading (something I didn't do much of while Lilly was alive, except during hospital stays).I've never been one to get bored. In addition to schooling and chores, I am a "project queen." I have enough projects that I'm either working on - or have in my mind or on lists -that could keep me busy for many many years. So our days remain full.
But there are gaps. BIG GAPS. The Lilly gaps. She's not here filling up our days and nights anymore to overflowing. It just feels so empty.
Our days are like her bed. (Today's picture) Full yet empty.
Lilly's bed has lots of things in it: the sock monkey pajamas she was wearing when she died, the heart flannel blanket I wrapped her in when I found her dead, her wool diaper cover which I can't bring myself to wash, her blankets I covered her with the nights before she died, her Lilly-Firecracker-Quilt, her small yellow pillow that she liked her top leg on (she slept on her side), her blue hand splints, her bigger pink pillow that she laid on on our bed each night to watch the ceiling fan and play, and her "Lilly colored" stuffed sock monkey. Lots of things. But no Lilly.
At least not now. But one day we'll be with her again!
"But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness." - 2 Peter 3:13
Well there isn't anything you can say to that except my heart is right there with you. LOVEc
ReplyDeleteyes...full but empty. i'm staying busy too, but still the vision of her sweet little face and crooked smile will catch me off guard. or perhaps a hymn we sing at church. but it's easier to grieve in small doses...
ReplyDeletepraying throughout the day for the Heavenly Father to tell Lilly i love and miss her.
The Lilly gaps :(
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing remarkable. Thank you for taking care of my brother.
Mostly, I am happy for Lilly....that she is with Jesus, and Pop, and the aunts, Granny, Nanny,all the other T-18 children. She is the blesses one.
ReplyDeleteI grieve for her mommy and daddy and brother and sister and all that were so close to her and left behind. For you, I pray for strength and healing and patience and peace as you go through your journeys in this life looking forward to the day you will have that reunion with Lilly and Jesus.
Okay, Lord, hurry up and take me! I just want my Lilly back.
ReplyDeleteI lost my beloved grandma in August and at her memorial service, my aunt gave me a necklace my grandma received when she was in high school. That gold necklace is a treasured item to me and sometimes, I will place the necklace in my fingers and just say, "I love you, Grandma" as the tears stream from my face. I was wearing another necklace of hers on Sunday and my children found me in the closet after church, just holding the simple jewelry, weeping. My loss is different than yours and yet I do understand the pain of grief. Lord, continue to provide comfort for all those who mourn.
ReplyDeleteWith love,
CMWH