I'd say one of the biggest questions people have for us right now, though some are hesitant to ask, is "how are you doing?" Since so many have asked, I'm sure that there are many out there that are curious but dodn't want to ask. So here's our answer.We're doing "O.K." In some ways better than we thought we would. But we all miss Lilly so incredibly much. My husband, daughter T., and I all find ourselves just crying "for no reason" sometimes. I'd say usually there's a "Lilly trigger" but not always.
My husband has propped up on his dresser the Lilly posters I made for his door at work when she was born, a Father's Day card I made him from Lilly, and her funeral program.T. has the peace lily plant that my kids pediatrician sent the day after Lilly died, a starfighter lily that our local florist gave her for free earlier this week, and a few of Lilly's things. (A doll, pair of slippers, blanket, small caterpiller toy.)
I feel like part of me died with Lilly. I can laugh and smile, but honestly the world seems so much less interesting now. Most things just seem so flat. And the days long.
Our son H. has always been a child that models his play after real life things. Lilly's funeral was the third he attended in 6 months. (First my husband's father died, and then his uncle.) So death and funerals are completely normal to him and they have become part of his play. Almost every day now one of his stuffed animals "dies." He turns his stepstool upside down and puts the animal in it for a coffin. He puts a lid on top to close it. And then he often covers it all with a cloth. But usually, a few hours later, whichever stuffed animal died, will "come back to life like Jesus did." Occasionally he asks if Lilly can do that. He tells me things he misses about Lilly."Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the preparation for the future that only He can see.'" - Corrie ten Boom (a Christian WWII Holocaust survivor)
Oh - there is one more question that a few brave people have admitted to wondering. Would we like to have another child? ABSOLUTELY!!
I canNOT believe that so much time has passed already... it seems like only yesterday! Still, how wonderful that you are able to surround yourselves with such lovely mementos... She was such a special girl, a real ray of sunshine... Lilly is one of the many I think of every wonderful day that I get to spend with our Vivi Rose, FT18, who will be 2 yrs old on the 25th.... Lots of love, Lilly and family xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteAs I sit here in California with my two precious grandchildren and contemplate leaving for New Zealand tomorrow after three blissful weeks, I weep for Lilly and you dear people. Lilly's life and your portrayal of it so generously via this blog added considerably to my life. Thank you, thank you. May your futures be bright and beautiful with memories of that precious girl, forever young and sweet.
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing to write. Lilly's death came at such an unexpected time that it caught all of us offguard, too, I believe. While those of us outside the family cannot begin to feel even a fraction of the loss you feel, we are still grieving nonetheless! Lilly became a part of our lives, and looking in your "window" through the blog has been a part of our days for a long time now. Losing Lilly and then losing your beautiful "voice" which has so eloquently told the story would be so doubly sad! We didn't just grow to love Lilly; we grew to love each one of you who so tenderly cared for her! We were not only privileged to know your "Little Firecracker--we have been privileged to witness your journey as a family and to see your strong faith. I hope you will continue to write, if not here, on another blog. Your family has become our family, as we all strive to glorify God and reach heaven! Hugs to you all! It will get easier! There will be sunshine again after the clouds! It's just going to take some time to get to the place where there are more smiles than tears. Keep your eyes on heaven!
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