Lilly's Memorial Tree - May

Today is May 4.  We would be celebrating Lilly's 22 month birthday with her if she still lived with us.  But as you know, she now lives in heaven.  I'm sure she's having the perfect day right now!  But oh how we miss her.

The children and I celebrated anyway, with what has become our tradition for the 4th of every month.  We changed the ornaments on Lilly's memorial tree to this month's theme.  May is: butterflies, caterpillars, and flowers.  The tree turned out quite colorful and cheerful.

We are so thankful to those of you who sent ornaments!  G.C. crocheted 4 butterlies, Anonymous crocheted a caterpillar, and Julia's mom sent a yellow sign that says "Hope" and has a butterfly (just like the one on Julia's memorial tree). 

One thing I hear so much of from mom's who have lost children is that they don't want their children forgotten.  I understand that and so it is always so sweet when someone does something, like send an ornament for Lilly's tree.  (And NO - I am not hinting for people to send things!  I'm just trying to illustrate my point.)  It feels good knowing that people haven't forgotten our Little Firecracker.

The inspiration for this month's theme comes from ... Lilly!  Here is Lilly and big brother H. and her favorite stuffed animal - Hank the Caterpillar:

Lilly wearing a dress with butterflies on it:

Lilly wearing a dress with flowers on it:

OK yes - so I loved taking pictures of Lilly when she was sleeping.  She was just so peaceful looking - and too cute!

Thank you God for making caterpillars, butterflies, flowers, and of course ... Lilly!

My Jesus I Love Thee

The old hymn "My Jesus I Love Thee" is a family favorite.  We sung it at Lilly's funeral, and I remember singing it at the funeral of other relatives.  Last month I posted a video of my daughter T. playing "Lily of the Valley" on the piano.  She wants to learn how to play on the piano all the songs we sung at Lilly's funeral.

Here is a video of her second effort, "My Jesus I Love Thee."  She played one verse and I thought it sounded beautiful.

My Jesus, I Love Thee - by William R. Featherston

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign;
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree;
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.


I bet Lilly looks beautiful with that "glittering crown" on her head!  This morning my son H. said he wanted to go visit Lilly at her "house in heaven" and "eat dinner with her."  He said she probably got to eat breakfast this morning with Jesus, and maybe even God.  I love how cheerfully he always talks about things like this.

Lilly's butterfly in the sand

This beautiful butterfly in the sand was made by Carly, a mom who's son Christian was stillborn.  Carly has found creative ways to cope with her loss through drawing pictures and writing names of other angel children in the sand at "Christian's Beach."  I am going to make this "Lilly butterfly" into blank notecards for our family to use.  I think it is beautiful!

You can see the different options Carly offers here.  One beautiful photograph she offers is of your angel child's name written in the sand at sunset.  Click here for details about that.  You can see a beautiful example on the blog of Julia, the little girl with Trisomy 18 that became an angel the day after Lilly did.

Last Saturday night I read an article in the latest Above Rubies magazine by a mom whose sixth child who died (at about 19 weeks) in the womb.  This mom decline a D&C and delivered the tiny baby instead.  They named him Jonathan.  The article had a picture of this family and one showing Jonathan's tiny arm and hand (perfectly formed!) resting on his parent's finger.  The picture amazed me and I kept thinking about it.  I shared it with my family the next day at breakfast.  I pointed out that our rainbow baby was only about a week older than the baby in the picture.  And I shared that because Jonathan died a few days before he reached the "legal age" - he was not "worthy" of a birth or death certificate.  As I thought of this baby throughout the day, I prayed for the family.  I put the magazine on my desk thinking, for some reason, that I should e-mail this woman.

Later that afternoon, I checked comments on Lilly's blog.  There was one by a woman named Tesha.  I clicked her name to see more about her.  It took me to her blog.  I was astounded to see the picture of the family at the top of the blog.  It was the same family in the Above Rubies magazine article!  Right in front of me on my computer, and in the open magazine in front of me, was the same family!  I immediately e-mailed Tesha and got a response soon after.

You can read Tesha's story from Above Rubies here.  Also, another picture on her blog header is of Jonathan's name in the sand!  Just like one of the ones I mentioned above that Carly does at Christian's Beach.  (I love the design of Tesha's blog, from ShabbyBlogs.com, the colors and pictures are so sweet!)  You can read Jonathan's story on her blog here.  Be sure to scroll down and look at the pictures, especially the last one where you can see his teeny tiny feet and legs.  Hard to do without tearing up and feeling amazed!

I like the scripture Tesha used right over that picture:

"When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze. 
For I am the Lord your God,     the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; . . ." - Isaiah 43:2-3

Lilly and lilies

I've had a couple days where I was getting that "I need to have a bunch of good crys" feeling.  There definitely seems to be a cycle in grieving.  But I pretty much snapped out of it yesterday when my friend K.L. drove up and she had a beautiful oriental lily potted plant for us.  She said she was out buying plants and everytime she sees lilies she thinks of our Lilly.

“The Lord bless you for showing this kindness . . . ." - 2 Samuel 2:5

I was so touched by this and the lily was was beautiful and smelled sooooo good!  I decided we needed to have it inside for the rest of the day so we could enjoy it:

Ummmm ... the flowers smelled so good!  And the colors are beautiful:

Today my husband planted the liles in Lilly's memorial garden.  How nice to have a burst of color:

After that, the kids and I came in and made some caterpillars for Lilly's memorial tree for May.  They turned out cute.  Caterpillars are in memory of Lilly's favorite stuffed toy, Hank, who is buried with her.

T. made a paper caterpillar with a space for each of us to write a message to Lilly on:

Lilly buys herself a present

Throughout Lilly's life, kind relatives or other people would send encouraging cards with a "little money" tucked in for "something for Lilly."  I saved all that money in a jar until I could think of the perfect thing for it. 

Well I finally decided what that "special something" was.  A really great frame for the collage we made for Lilly's viewing and funeral.  I found a beautiful wood frame - in Americana red (how appropriate) in a catalog and knew that was IT. 

The frame arrived yesterday and I excited put the collage right in.  Then I noticed the large crack at the bottom of the frame.  Sigh.  Nothing is easy!  I contacted customer service and they said they would send a replacement right away.  And that no need to return the damaged frame due to the circumstances.  (I couldn't help but share what it was for so they would see the importance of it!)  So yay!

I've mentioned before about how much I love the morning sunrise.  One Trisomy angel mom recently posted this picture of a gorgeous sunset:

The caption:  "At the end of the day all the children of heaven come together to paint the colors of the sunset."

It's so easy to forget how beautiful the sky is - at so many times of the day - because we're such a self-focused culture that tends to just stay inside so much.  And much of our modern way of living does not lend itself to us fully enjoying the beauty of the outdoors.  But when we do take the time, it is so incredibly refreshing.

"And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day." - Genesis 1:14-19

A before ... and after

Last month I hung all of Lilly's pretty dresses up on a rack on the wall.  I love seeing them.  But lately there are two that keep drawing my eye, just because of the big difference in them.

They are the two in this first picture.  The tiny blue dress, a preemie size, was one Lilly wore when she was just a few weeks old.  The green dress was a 9 month size and she wore it last fall.  What a difference!  When Lilly was born she was 18 inches long and weighed 5 lbs. 4 oz., but dropped to 4 lbs. 8 oz. at her lowest.  When she died, she was 27 inches and weighed a few ounces over 13 pounds.  That was a huge accomplishment for her!

Here is a picture of tiny, skinny Lilly wearing the blue dress.  She is about 1 month old.  She is laying in a wicker bed that my mother-in-law made for T's dolls!

Here is Lilly in the green dress sitting propped up.  She is chunky and happy and is 15 months old.                         

I'm sure those of you that are parents look at your own children's clothing and marvel at how much your kids have grown.  I do with my other two.  But Lilly is probably more dramatic in my mind just because it was always such a fight to get her to gain weight.  (I think mostly due to the holes in her heart.)

 

(Last picture) I was happy to see on Saturday that the lily-of-the-valley plants I planted are really growing and most even have flowers on them.  (The one here does but they don't show up very well in this picture.)

 

Speaking of lily flowers, our church had out 4 nice potted Easter lilies for several weeks this month.  This past Sunday we got to bring them home and plant them!  Our pastor suggested that we might like them for our Lilly memorial garden.  My husband already planted them and we have a nice row of Easter lilies now. 

 

Growth is an amazing thing.  In children, plants, and animals!  And that's just the physical aspect.  I've said many times that Lilly grew us to be better people, and we thank God for the blessing that she was - and that her memory still is. 

 

"For as the soil makes the sprout come up
   and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness
   and praise spring up before all nations." - Isaiah 61:11

A visitor for Lilly

The other day, I was so touched to receive an email from D., who said that she had been reading Lilly's blog for the last year after a cousin of my husband had told her about it. She said she had been at Oakdale, the cemetery Lilly was buried at, to check on her parents gravesite. She knew that Lilly had been buried in that cemetery and as she was leaving, a beautiful red, white, and blue wreath caught her eye.

D. felt it was Lilly "winking" at her and she stopped and checked and sure enough, it was Lilly's grave. She said she knelt down to say "hello" to Lilly, and to say a prayer for us.

She took the picture I posted today and said everything seemed so peaceful. I was SO happy to see Lilly's wreath was still there and intact. I had been worried it would blow away like her beautiful flowers we had placed there.

It doesn't look like we will get a chance to visit Lilly's grave this month, unlike every month since she died. (She is buried a bit over 2 hours away from us.) And that bothered me. So I was extra thankful to get D.'s e-mail and pictures that all was well. I told my husband the other day that it would mean a lot to me if we could visit Lilly's grave on Mother's Day. Somehow it would just feel more complete.

So thank you again D. for your kindness and for taking the time to visit Lilly and to contact me. My family and I are so grateful!

I have had a number of things happen in my life that have left me tending to be standoffish and untrusting of people. But so many people, including strangers, continue to reach out to us with such thoughtfulness, that it has made a huge impression on me and has really restored a lot of my faith in people. I find myself reaching out to others a lot more. So thank you God and thank you Lilly! :)