Mother's Day. What a mess of emotions that can be for so many women. I am blessed to have two healthy children and another baby on the way. Yet my heart is broken that one of my girls is in heaven. I have several friends that have suffered numerous miscarriages or were simply never able to get pregnant. Some were able to have children but others have a handful of children, that they never met, in heaven. My heart goes out to them every day, but especially Mother's Day.
I came across an interesting scripture last week. A promise God made to the Israelites:
"Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span." - Exodus 23:25-26
That's a pretty incredible promise - all the people had to do was worship and obey God. But they just kept messing up. Like we all do.
My day today was certainly different than last Mother's Day when Lilly and I were at the hospital and she "code blued" and almost died. It was a horrible, frightening scene to watch as doctors and nurses worked quickly to save her life after her breathing stopped and heart rapidly dropped. (You can see pictures of that hospital stay, including Mother's Day, here.) But she pulled through, and amazed the doctors and they began calling her "Lil' Fighter." Ten days later we triumphantly left the hospital.
Today my Lilly is in heaven having a perfect day. My day wasn't perfect, but it was not bad. We were out-of-town, staying with my mother-in-law since yesterday. Today we went to church with her and then out to eat at Andy's, my favorite restaurant. (Yum! I love the cheesesteaks without onions or peppers!) Then my family and I went to visit Lilly's grave.
I had bought a new decoration for Lilly's grave site - an angel chime on a stake. It says "True love is aways alive." The chimes sound so pretty!
T. and H. had painted rocks for Lilly's grave and T. also painted a butterfly and rocking horse. They set the rocks on Lilly's gravestone and the ornaments nestled into her wreath.
Then we sat around her grave and shared some M&M's. Wish I had brought some of Lilly's super healthy chocolate!
Then I had a few minutes alone. I thanked God for Lilly's life and allowing me the honor and blessing of being her mother. I prayed for a number of mom's I know, some of Trisomy children and some not, all who have children in heaven. Then I had a good cry.
When we got home this afternoon, I found that Little Firecracker had left me a gift in the yard, next to her crape myrtle tree. (Thanks mom!)
Lilly wasn't done with her gift giving. She also had my husband hand deliver two more gifts. A heart ornament with chimes (the smaller heart says "Lilly 2010-2011") and a memorial stake for our lily garden with an angel that is holding a heart that says "Lillian Eva 529 :) days". Thank you F.! I love them! :)
Here's is Lilly's message on a card attached to the gifts:
I thought the typo in what is supposed to be "happily" was funny - it says "happLILY." I miss my Lilly too, and every day I am glad it's a day closer until I do get to snuggle with her again. But I know my children and husband need me and so I still have things to do here.
Thank you Lord for blessing me to be a mama to an angel in heaven, and several on earth.