Seeing through red-white-&-blue glasses

It seems that no sooner has Easter passed, when Walmart begins selling patriotic clothing for little kids.  The baby and toddler girl red/white/blue dresses and outfits just scream at me when I pass them.  They are just too cute and yes, they make me a bit sad.  I wish so much I could be buying something special for Lilly to celebrate another birthday in.

LillyBear modeling a scarf crocheted by Tabby, that I gave away earlier this week in memory of Lilly

 

Last week.  I got to experience another Lilly blessing.  Cindy, a woman that I got to know, because of Lilly, invited me over to bless me by letting me pick out something special from her clothing boutique, for free, in honor of Lilly.  Cindy sells LuLaRoe clothing and had gotten the Fourth of July clothing capsule in and was hoping I could find something to remind me of my "little firecracker."  (The red/white/blue is special to Cindy too as she is the mama of a solider!)  Cindy's generosity and remembrance of Lilly did me a world of good.

I am slowly realizing that it really blesses others to let them bless me at times.

Cindy, me, and Tabby

I have been obsessed with polka dots for years now (they remind me of vintage dresses from decades past) and so when I saw a red maxi skirt with white polka dots, I had a feeling that that skirt was "the one."  I tried on some other cute dresses and skirts too, but "the one" won out.

Cindy showed me that I could wear it other ways, besides just as a regular maxi skirt.  I could wear it as a dress too!  (Though I would wear something over it for sure.  I have a white jeans jacket that will work perfect when the weather cools back off some.)

The skirt's colors matched my "signature shoes":

Tabby tried on a navy dress that looked great on her.  But red/white/blue isn't her thing as much as it is mine.  When Cindy showed a dress that had gold in it, Tabby knew she had found "her one."

It may not be Lilly-colored, but Cindy blessed Tabby with this dress in honor of her little sister Lilly!

I plan to wear my Cindy-blessing-skirt for July 4th/Lilly's Birthday, with my blue Hello Kitty shirt that my cousin Moriah gave me.  Lilly had a matching Hello Kitty shirt!  And Tabby had a similar one.

me and my girls - July 2011

 If you are interested in LuLaRoe clothing, my friend Cindy is there to help you.  She is sweet, helpful, easy to talk to, and just a lot of fun.  Check out her Facebook site at:  facebook.com/LuLaRoeCindyWH and website at:  cindywinterhartley.mylularoe.com or follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lularoe.cindywh/ Tell her Lilly's mama referred you!  ;)

Even though our old farmhouse is actually Lilly-colored on the outside, yesterday was time to decorate for Lilly's birthday/Independence Day.  My favorite thing is to hang my bunting:

This is the same bunting you can see in this picture:

July 2011 (photo by Steve Rubin Photography)

LillyBear put on her special skirt:

And I decorated the living room fireplace:

This cute horse is Lilly's birthday present for this year:

I'm lovin' these pinwheels:

Finally, I decorated Lilly's tree and the fireplace hearth:

(Oh and you can see a peek of our tablecloth in the above picture - it is oilcloth and is white with red and blue stars.  I love it!)

tree topper

My kids are all looking forward to celebrating Independence Day/Lilly's birthday.  They like the routine of going to the parade in the morning and then in the evening, releasing balloons at Lilly's grave then watching the fireworks.  Solomon doesn't remember those things very much but he is very excited to hear that we will be having a birthday cake for Lilly.  He's already asked if he could blow out the candles.  :)

Grief really is a roller coaster and I never know what to expect.  Though I miss Lilly dreadfully, I am finding that I am looking forward to celebrating her 6th birthday, even though she will be celebrating it in heaven.  I am not having any of the crushing, sickening, depression and dread that I had last December, as her angelversary approached.  And I am thankful.

"Cast all your anxiety on God because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

Making red-white-blue angel wings & decorating for July 4th/Lilly's birthday

Yesterday was my day to decorate the house for Lilly's birthday - and July 4th.  It was special that she was born on Independence Day.  I love all the cheerful "Lilly colors" - red, white, and blue.

I decided I wanted red/white/blue angel wings.  I couldn't find them anymore (always shocking when I can't find something on Ebay!) so I made my own.  I got out some angel wings I already had and my trusty cans of red and blue spray paint, and went outside.

I used paper to block off the parts I wasn't spraying.

The paint did not saturate the fluffly top feathers as much as the "regular" bottom feathers.  But I was still pleased with the unique results:
 

I thought the wings added a nice touch to the mantel area, where I have some Independence Day decor arranged, along with Lilly's birthday decor. 

Lilly's birthday present for this year is a little vintage angel girl.  (I just love the little figurines that Japan produced in the 1950s.)

Lilly's Crazy Sock Monkey has his pinwheel and is ready to remember her and celebrate too:

Crazy Sock Monkey sits over Lilly's tree, which is covered in 4th of July decor:

The finishing touch is outside, where I hang bunting on the railing of Solomon's portico.  (Our second story porch.)  I love this bunting, and had it when Lilly was still alive. 

Here is a picture of Little Firecracker, taken just a few days after her 1st birthday.  I loved holding her! You can see the bunting in the background:

I wonder what it would be like to be celebrating Lilly's 5th birthday with her in person.  What would she be like?  It makes me smile to imagine.

Easter experiments with marshmallow Peeps

I don't think I will ever go through an Easter day without remembering how cute Lilly looked in her bunny hat.  The bunny hat is now tops my Lilly tree (April's theme is lilies and crosses):

And of course I can't post that picture without posting several of Lilly herself wearing her bunny hat.  I remember that she was pretty grumpy at me for putting her in that basket!  She wore that same dress with her bunny hat to church on Easter Sunday 2011.  The one Easter we were blessed to have her with us.

I used to like decorating for holidays with a lot of decorations.  Now all that feels too overwhelming and burdensome and makes the house even more cluttery looking.  So if I put up a wreath and decorate my mantle, and of course Lilly's tree, then that is enough. 

Last Friday, for our science experiment, Hunter and I had fun using marshmallow Peeps.  I have had a box of them on my pantry shelf since last year (!) that I had bought with the intention of making one of those cute Peeps miniatures.  But it never happened.  So when I came across experiments to do with Peeps on Pinterest, I decided to sacrifice those cute marshmallow chicks.  (Note that all the follow experiments originally appeared on this blog.)

First was the microwave experiment.  I asked Hunter what he predicted would happen if we cooked Peeps in the microwave for 1 minute.  (He said they would melt.)  Into the microwave two chicks went! 

We were surprised at how BIG they puffed up while cooking.  Then when they were done and I opened the door they looked bloated like this:

They also stunk really bad!  A pretty-awful-burned-marshmallow-smell.  I went ahead and took them outside and put them into the trash can.

Next we got 4 bowls, put a Peep in each one, and then filled each bowl with a different liquid.  We used:  water, vinegar, milk, and apple juice.  (This is one time I wished there was soda in the house - that would have been a good one to use.)  We talked about which liquid might dissolve the Peeps the fastest.

Uh guess what.  None of the liquids actually dissolve Peeps!  The milk and water made some of the coloring come off.  But the next morning, those marshmallow chicks were still floating around and nothing had changed.  However, we did have one completely unexpected result ...  ANTS:

Note that the ants preferred the apple juice!  None liked the vinegar ... surprise surprise ...

Our last experiment used two of the cheapest, most exciting ingredients ever to be combined:  vinegar and baking soda.  Seriously!  Hunter would keep combining these two things for hours if I let him.  Three Peeps, sprinkle in baking soda, and pour on the vinegar:

All that wonderful fizzing and bubbling did nothing to the Peeps other than to makes some of the green coloring come off.  So we decided to up it and drop in a few Alka Seltzer tablets:

Lots more fizzing!  But ... no changes.  Even today - 3 days later - the Peeps look the exact same.  (Though the bubbles are gone and they are floating in smooth liquid.) 

This has led Hunter and I to conclude:  "YUCK!  Is it even possible for Peeps to dissolve in our stomachs?!" 

I will never look at Peeps the same.  ;)

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." - Psalm 28:7

A flash of anger (on the grief roller coaster)

Earlier this month, as I changed the decorations on Lilly's tree from July to August, I suddenly felt angry.

I felt angry that Lilly was not alive and with us anymore. I felt angry that there was a gap between Solomon and Hunter where their sister should have been.  I felt angry that she only lived 17 months and that I obviously had made bad decisions because she died. (This thought was quickly followed by guilt because even though there are children with Trisomy 18 that are alive and even in their teens, or older!, I know Lilly lived longer than most. My heart hurts for the families who lost their T-18 children in the womb, or so quickly after their births.)  Then I felt angry about how I found Lilly dead, after her nap.  That I couldn't prevent it.  That her body was so cold.  I felt mad about how it gets confusing at times when people ask me how many children I have, or I am setting the table and trying to figure out how many places to set.  I felt mad that my children have to take treks to their sister's grave instead of getting to play with her.  Etc etc.

Now I wasn't furious and in a rage or anything.  I just felt rather mad.  I wasn't mad at God or anyone in particular.  It was just an "I'm angry in general" sort of feeling.  And then it was gone.  I know that anger is a "normal" part of grief.  So why am I feeling it about 2.5 years after Lilly's death?  Is that part normal?  Obviously it is for me.  I've always been one to suppress my feelings/emotions so sure, this is normal for me.  That something traumatic sort of leaks out later on.  We all mourn differently.

Earlier this week, I took down all of Lilly's dresses that I have hanging up, and washed them.  I put them back on their hangers then arranged them back on the rack on the wall.  I didn't feel any anger.  I felt some sadness, but didn't cry or anything.  I dusted off Lilly's things on my dresser and found a few things that I decided to put away, out of sight.  I have been finding, the past few months, as I have been cleaning, organizing, and painting rooms in the house, that I do not feel the need to have as much of Lilly's stuff out on display anymore.

This sort of worried me at first because I sure didn't want anyone (or me) to think she wasn't important to me anymore, or I was forgetting about her.  I can't get through a day without thinking of her many times.  But, maybe that just means I am healing.  I know she's in my heart and mind forever and if I decide, for example, I don't need ALL the church dresses she ever wore constantly on display, then that's OK.

I have a friend that lost her daughter, at 6 months, to Down Syndrome.   (She had many heart problems.)  My friend mentioned having "a box" for her daughter's things.  I was stunned.  Only ONE box?  My friend noted her daughter had died 12 years ago.  I thought about it.  I have boxes and boxes and boxes of Lilly's things!  I have a bunch of those rubbermaid type totes in the attic full of all the clothes she ever wore. A tote with her blankets.  A tote with her toys. Special things of her's scattered around the house.  Most of her medical stuff in the bathroom closet.  Etc.  I wondered if I would ever be able to narrow things down - or if I would even want to.

But this summer, like I said, I have actually felt fine about putting SOME things away.  Not giving anything away.  Not yet.  But just not needing so much right in front of me.

What will this journey bring next, I have no idea.  It's been a roller coaster.  But I don't regret a day of it.  I am thankful for all 529 of Lilly's days.  No matter how long I hurt missing her, it was so worth every second of having her.

Lilly at 6 months

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

Reminder about my Lilly-colored pillowcases giveaway!

Here it is.  July 3.  Tomorrow our Lilly girl would be celebrating her 4th birthday if she were still with us.  But she's not and I'm thankful she'll have a perfect day anyway.  We miss her so much but know every day that passes on earth is a day closer until we see her again.

Still, it sure would be awesome to celebrate her birthday with her!  It's fun to imagine what she would look like now.

You have until Saturday to let me know if you'd like to be entered into my drawing for two Lilly-colored pillowcases:

red/white/blue stripes, navy blue, red with tiny white polka dots

My original post with more details is here.  These pillowcases were handmade by Cassie.  She has other pillowcases for sale (and other items), and takes special requests.  Check out her blog here: http://kwantclancrafts.blogspot.com/

I have two more of the pillowcases for me to keep.  I have visions in my head of making a navy blue with white polka dots duvet cover to match them.  Maybe that will happen.  One day ...

Solomon helped me decorate for Lilly's birthday yesterday.  We hung bunting on our upstairs porch rails.  And put out Lilly's birthday presents on the mantel.  (The girl, 2 bears, and doll.)

We also decorated her special tree that we leave up year around.

Back to the contest, just leave a comment or e-mail me if you'd like to be entered!

Easter Lilly Memories

What would Easter be, without some "Easter Lilly" pictures?







Lilly's bunny hat now graces our Lilly tree every April:

Sadly I did not have a chance to buy an Easter lily plant this Easter.  I like to buy one each year and then plant them.  Maybe there will be some left in the stores by the time we make it back to town later this week.  But for now, I have a Solomon-bunny:

The chicks are growing fast!  I guess maybe they're getting to the "upper elementary age" stage.  They were having fun on a ladder this afternoon:

The goats were excited about their "goatee delight" I made them.  (A weekly herbal dewormer.)  Two of these goats are due to give birth in a few weeks!

Finally, here is Solomon trying on Daddy's Lilly-colored tie, which Frank always wears on the 4th and 15th of the month:

Nicely color coordinates, doesn't it!

"Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures," - 1 Corinthians 15:34-4