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The story of our precious little girl's 17 months of life with Trisomy 18 (July 4, 2010 - December 15, 2011) and of us, re-learning to live "after Lilly."
"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made ...." Psalm 139:14

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Funeral flowers and a gift from Lilly

When Lilly died we received about a dozen beautiful bouquets of flowers. (Not counting several plants.) I kept them all around us in the house until they began dying and shedding everywhere. So we put them on the front porch. Even though the flowers were all dead, I loved them as they were given in honor of Lilly.

Finally even I had to agree with the rest of my family that it was time for them to be cleaned off the porch. They were just making too big a mess. So earlier this week I took a trash bag out and began emptying the vases. One of my close friends, C. and her twin girls, were visiting and it helped me emotionally having them outside with us while I worked. I pulled out some of the dried dead flowers to save as they still looked so beautiful. And we now have them in the kitchen.

I was excited to receive a package in the mail that same day. It was an angel ornament that was personalized with "Lilly." The card with it gave me happy tears. It said "I love my mommy, and I want her to know I have my wings." (Thank you to my thoughtful husband for helping Lilly with the order!)

Yesterday I heard that my nephew J.L. got really upset and angry when he saw an ambulance, because he thought an ambulance had taken Lilly away to heaven and he wanted her back with us.

As I thought about his reaction, I remembered that anger is supposed to be a normal part of the process of grieving. I also thought about how I've talked about this with my husband and daughter T. None of us feel any anger at Lilly's passing away. I think it is because:

1) we believe God's timing in all things is perfect
2) we have so much gratitude that Lilly lived 529 days - so so much longer than most children with Trisomy 18

It is a relief to be spared the emotion of anger in this. There's enough to deal with.

5 comments:

  1. i love how JL (after the ambulance went by yesterday) said, "i am mad! i am very mad! i am hard mad!" then we talked about the night Jesus came and took lilly to heaven (i assured him it was not the ambulance that took her) and how happy lilly is in heaven, that she can now walk and run and talk. so...much like king david did in his psalms after he told God how he really felt, JL bowed his head and prayed a beautiful prayer. he thanked God for lilly's life with us and then for taking her to heaven and healing her so she could walk, run, and talk and jump. what a blessing to see my 4-year-old grandson express his anger and then put it into godly perspective. God is good!

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  2. Hi, I was brought to tears by this. We too have a T18 baby, our precious Crystal Faith born on the 2nd of December and still enjoying everyday spent with her. I prayed for your family and I'm sure Lilly is all smiles now that she's being held by Jesus' in His bosom. I wish to get in touch with you personally. If you have time. My email is cmagtoto21@yahoo.com. God bless you and the family...and most of all congrats on the new baby!

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  3. Your family, extended and otherwise, think deep thoughts and express them beautifully. What blessed assurance you have that Lilly is with the Lord and that the Lord understands our emotions even when we don't. Thank you for sharing!

    CMWH

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  4. I had to take the phone away from my ear when JL called me!!!

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