Sunday, January 6, 2013
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author - Unknown
I thought of this poem last night when we attended the viewing of a young man that was killed by a drunk driver. I thought of his parents. I thought of my husband and I. I thought of the many other parents I now know who have lived through the death of a child. The viewing was at the same funeral home as the one we had Lilly's viewing at. The coffin in the front was so much bigger than hers. Full size instead of infant size. The room was full of people like Lilly's. The pain there, masked behind smiles. Laughter mixed with tears.
Hunter asked me the other day if he would die before me. I told him that usually parents die first. To me that's the way it should be. Maybe it's cowardly of me to think that way.
For some reason, when I read the above poem, I don't think of ugly shoes. I think of Lilly's adorable shoes and am so very thankful for the 529 days I got to know her. And to put cute little shoes on her feet.
I bet she's wearing beautiful shoes in heaven!