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The story of our precious little girl's 17 months of life with Trisomy 18 (July 4, 2010 - December 15, 2011) and of us, re-learning to live "after Lilly."
"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made ...." Psalm 139:14

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Hello Lilly



Thank you cousin M. for Lilly's "Hello Kitty" shirt! I wish it came in my size! :)

There are a couple people that seem to often feel that we are taking risks with Lilly's health. Whether it be talking her outside for an activity (pollen risk) or to the lake (bacteria risk) or to a small social gathering (germ risk), to church (big germ risk), out in the snow (cold risk), etc.

My response is always that we would never do anything to purposely endanger Lilly. This post is not to put those people down - I know they love Lilly very much and I am grateful. But I do have a couple thoughts I wanted to share.

(2nd picture - Lilly loves looking at herself in her mirror and caring on conversations with her reflection.)

First, we do take a lot of precautions with Lilly. We know all too well how fragile her immune system is. We do want to protect Lilly and not put her through unnecessary things. We don't take what we see as big risks. We've never taken her into Walmart (a/k/a The Germ Factory) and might not ever! We don't make travel plans without knowing where the closest PICU would be. We all wash our hands frequently and try to stay healthy so we don't get Lilly sick. We constantly petition the Lord to protect Lilly's health, almost always praying specifically about it right before going somewhere.

But we don't see staying locked in our home 24/7 and never letting anyone in as an alternative. We don't want Lilly to be "the girl in the bubble." (By the way - is "the boy in the bubble" still alive?) We want Lilly to have a good quality of life. And we want our whole family to be together, making memories, with Lilly included.

Lilly LOVES going places. She enjoys church each week and usually is awake the whole service looking around. (We have decided it is important for our whole family to attend church together. However everyone there knows not to ask to hold Lilly and people rarely even reach to touch her.) Twice I've taken Lilly into a health food store by her cardiologist and she was mesmerized. (I carried her in there in my wrap with only her little face peeking out.) We get together with friends when we can. (So far people have been very cautious and let us know if they're not feeling well and we'll cancel until they're better.) We took Lilly to the airport once and I did completely cover her up while inside. But outside I uncovered her head and she enjoyed the people walks. My poor father-in-law (that had a stroke in February) has been in hospitals and a rehab facility (and is still not doing well - please say a prayer for him) and we go visit him. (Again I put Lilly inside my wrap and cover her up while in the hallways at these places.) Whenever we get home from being out in public, or outside more than a few minutes, I give her a bath and fresh clothes.

These are just some examples. But I hope it shows that we are careful with Lilly, we do think about what we're doing, and try to take preventive measures.

We have two other children. A 10-year-old and a 2.5-year-old. Even the youngest seems to understand that with Lilly there are just things we will not do. Sometimes it can be disappointing, but they are OK with it. However, imagine if they never got to enjoy doing anything out of the house without both parents and their baby sister along. They would most likely grow to resent Lilly. But by finding things that we feel are OK for us all to do together, we are creating good memories for us all, and those memories will always include our Lilly. That is so important!

I'm sleepy and I'm not sure I'm expressing this very well. But I did think it was important to share. Those of us that have someone a little extra "special" in our family, still need to have our family feel like a "normal" family whenever possible. Perhaps that doesn't make sense to some, but I think other families with special needs children understand.

"How precious is Your loving kindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings." - Psalm 36:7

10 comments:

  1. Very, very well said! I am 67, high partial legally blind, wear hearing aids, and don't walk well, but I don't think God made people to be hermits. That includes Lilly. It's memories for her, too! I really enjoy reading about you and your family.

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  2. I would NEVER resent darling little Lilly! - Not for a zillion million dollars! I'd resent anyone who told me to instead! :-( :-) :-D
    Well, I definetely wouldn't for one pirticular reason: It's a terrible sin. Just like a grudge.

    Mamma - Can you do a happy seat video?
    TABBY WANTS MORE VIDEOS!!!!!! Wow - That was not asking patinetly and quietly! Pretty please? :-D

    T.

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  3. God bless you for being so patient and for tolerating those who are so judgmental. His peace oozes from your posts, blesses us all, and challenges us to trust Him as you do. There's a saying "Until you have walked a mile in another man's mocassins . . ." God gave Lilly to you because He knew she would be blessed by your love and care. He trusts you and you continually seek His guidance and protection. All children should be so blessed.

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  4. You are phenomenal parents. In the end, it doesn't matter what other people think or say. She is God's child. He entrusted her to you to care for because he knew you could handle it. Pray about it and do what you think is right. The same God that gave Lilly to you, will give you the good sense to care for her. People mean well but often times overstep their boundaries:o)

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  5. Hey Lilly..I totally agree! My mom is sometimes afraid to take me out and so she is very careful with me, too. My mom gets worried but I always have a good time when I get to leave the house..and then my mom feels good about it. :) Love, Stinky

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  6. I want more happy seat videos, too. (whatever that is) It sounds....HAPPY!

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  7. I think anyone who knows you, Frank & your whole family knows by now that you are wonderful parents and take such good care of Lilly. No one would be happy if she had to stay at home all the time! LOVE the picture of her talking to herself!

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  8. You are absolutely right! It's a ver tough balancing act that those of us with special needs children are always playing. Having the family together is not only good for your other two children but also good for Lilly away from the home. The stimulation of seeing, hearing,smelling and feeling of other places will help her amazement of the world and continue to bring your family closer (not that I think it's possible as I don't think you could see a sliver of light between you all you're already so close :).

    There's no question that you have to use good judgement when you take her out (which obviously you do). The comment about not wanting Lilly's siblings to resent her is a very valid one. The more they are completely integrated with her world the more sensitive they will be as teenagers and young adults to those with special needs. I've seen this over and over, not only in my daughter's dealing with children with Autism as a camp counselor (she's 19 and her brother with Downs Syndrome is 22) but I see it in people that interact with my son. Even doctors that are better.Whether it's a cashier at Target(she told me her best friends brother had special needs) or a doctor at Duke Eye Center who started a Downes Syndrome clinic who I was able to get out of her after a lot of prodding had a family member with Downs, it's clear to me that keeping everyone together like you do is not only good for your family but also good for our society's future.

    With that all said I'd like to also contradict myself a bit. It's still good to get your other children out without Lilly so that they can feel unrestricted. Maybe some good quality mother /daughter time while Dad takes care of Miss Lilly or vice versa.

    As my late father taught me " it's all about balance".

    God bless you and your family especially as you get ready to celebrate that special birthday!

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  9. A few months ago, I learned of your blessing Lilly. When I first heard of Lilly, I was eager to read and learn more about her. The day after my youngest child was born, we were told that she probably had Trisomy 18 (she held her hands in the classic way among many other things). We knew nothing about Trisomy 18 children, but were heartbroken when reading the medical literature. However, when we looked at our new little girl, we knew that she was designed by God and just perfect. Surprising everyone, our daughter did not have Trisomy 18 but had her own unique chromosome abnormality which they had not seen before. We were told that our daughter would not live to see her first birthday. After two heart surgeries, feeding tube, rare seizure disorder and many other obstacles, our sweet little girl lived to the age of 5 1/2. Our little girl just didn't survive to 5 1/2, but she lived. We had two older children also, and I always worried about germs. However, we took our little girl out (with the exception of flu season), took her swimming and out in the snow. We went to Disney, hiking in the mountains and she even got to take a dip in the ocean. Of course, church too! I am so glad that she got to experience so much of the great things God created in this world. In doing so, God also used her to touch so many people along the way. Have fun with Lilly and just enjoy all three of your precious children.
    dtwhiteman5@gmail.com

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  10. There's that point where you just can't stop living life. Use wisdom and live life...

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