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The story of our precious little girl's 17 months of life with Trisomy 18 (July 4, 2010 - December 15, 2011) and of us, re-learning to live "after Lilly."
"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made ...." Psalm 139:14

Monday, June 20, 2011

Negative comment: We have "condemned Lilly to life"

A few days ago, I received the following comment on this blog (under my post "The Chub Factor" dated 4/28/11):

"God doesnt give a crap about anything for the simple fact that he doesnt exist. But sheeple feel more comfy believing in imaginary friends. The proof that there is no moron up there in the sky is ur poor daughter herself. U condemned her to life, shame on u!"

It was signed "anonymous."

While I won’t primarily dwell on the existence of God question, there are a few irrational (logically inconsistent) ideas expressed by Anonymous that bear addressing. (1) Only a being capable of being in all times and places simultaneously (God) is capable of stating unequivocally that there is no God. Anonymous can be a skeptic or an unbeliever but can not rationally know, let alone prove, that there is no God. (2) From where does Anonymous receive moral authority to pronounce shame on others? To pronounce judgment on another requires some standard of "good" that the atheist needs to account for. (3) Finally, it is a logical fallacy---that I’m sure that Anonymous does not consistently apply in their life---to suggest that whatever can not be seen with the eyes must be imaginary.

The main part of the negative comment that I feel needs addressing most at this point is the last sentence: "U condemned her to life, shame on u!" When I initially read this, I was holding Lilly in my lap and she was smiling at me and talking to me and was just so happy! Was she feeling "condemned?" Absolutely not! Anyone, I think including Anonymous, would see from just a few minutes in Lilly’s presence that she is glad to be alive, to say nothing of the joy and delight she brings to everyone in her life.

But Anonymous does not believe Lilly should have been allowed to live. That made me think of an article my brother P. shared with me by Chuck Colson, entitled "The 65,000 Question." (See
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/october/28.48.html ) Colson, grandfather to an autistic boy named Max, discusses Peter Singer, Princeton ethicist and atheist. Colson shares some statements by Singer:

"‘All I say about severely disabled babies is that when life is so miserable that it's not worth living, then it is permissible to give it a lethal injection.’ He asks rhetorically, ‘Why limit the killing to the womb?’ As if to answer his own question, he says, ‘Infanticide … should not be ruled out any more than abortion.’"

Did Singer limit murder to "severely disabled babies?" What about someone that is in a car wreck and becomes disabled? Should we murder them? What about someone that is really sick and has been in the hospital "too long." Are they worthy of lethal injection?

Colson’s article summarizes a debate between Singer and Disabilities-rights activist Harriet McBryde Johnson. (Reading this made a lasting impact on me.) Johnson, an attorney with a muscle wasting disease, needs help doing most physical things. Johnson argued that "the presence or absence of a disability does not define the quality of life." Johnson and Singer came away from their debate with some new respect for each other. But Johnson did say "[Singer’s] weakness is his unexamined assumption that disabled people are inherently ‘worse off.’"

Can we carry the eugenic argument to its natural conclusion? Since pretty much every person on earth suffers at some point in some way, physically, emotionally, or mentally, should any of us be permitted to live? Or are we all "condemned to life"?

Lilly is a fighter has shown her will to live five distinct times now. Should we have said "sorry - we don’t care you want to live. You’re not worth it." and then murdered her?

Did Anonymous accuse us of allowing Lilly to live because they really feel so sorry for Lilly for the times she is sick? Is Anonymous a person with a heart overflowing with compassion? Or does Anonymous just really think Lilly is a dead weight because she is mentally and physically delayed? Has Anonymous ever thought that many of us actually find taking care of others to be extremely fulfilling and not a burden in the least?

I confess I don’t know how Anonymous would answer these questions, and I can not judge this person’s heart. But I do know that the problem that leads to skewed thinking such as this, for Singer, Anonymous, and all of us, lies in our hearts. Professing to be wise, we become fools and we worship the creature rather than the creator (Romans 1:22, 25).

"O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" - Romans 7:24. All of us, Lilly, Anonymous, you, me are condemned to a body of death by our sin. But there is an answer for all of us. There is a redeemer. "Thanks be to God---through Jesus Christ our Lord! . . . . There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, . . ." - Romans 7:25, 8:1

My husband and I pray that all who read this blog, come to know Jesus Christ for who He is: "Jesus said . . . ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.’"

Thank you God for Lilly’s life. In Jesus it is both abundant and eternal, and certainly worth the living.

While I am typing this post, Lilly is right next to me. She is smiling and waving her arms and chatting away. Most of her days are like this. I daresay this child knows a joy more pure than any of the rest of us will probably ever be blessed to know. To God be the glory!

25 comments:

  1. I can say the same about my own Lily. She, too, "knows a joy more pure than any of the rest of us will probably ever be blessed to know." Well said!
    My heart aches for Anonymous. I won't judge him/her that he/she has not found God. But I have found that EVERY time something bad has happened, something good has come out of it--in death, in heartache, in suffering. EVERY TIME. I happen to find comfort through God, but that doesn't have to be the case for everyone. I'm saddened that Anonymous isn't able to see that. Otherwise, he/she may have been able to see that in this Trisomy 18 there are so many blessings. NO condemning to life.
    And if we took God out of it, and looked at it from perhaps an evolutionary view, Anonymous should see that evolution happens due to "mutation." Could that not be what's happening with Trisomy 18? It's a part of life--it just so happened to us. I'm wondering now if Anonymous has any respect for life itself--even if it doesn't have God in it.
    Moreover, my heart aches thinking that maybe something tragic happened to Anonymous, therefore the negativity.
    And if I could offer any advice to Anonymous, it would be something my mother taught me: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

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  2. First, I agree with Jill above.

    As Lilly's great aunt who is extremely close to her mother, I too have to admit there were times during the pregnancy and even after she was born that I wondered if it might not be better for Lilly to be with the Lord. But something very wonderful happened when I saw Lilly several house after she was born. Although she had some strange physical attributes, she was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS AND A WONDER TO BEHOLD! I haven't noticed those things about Lilly after her initial appearance. I see Lilly as a unique creation of God! I see His Glory when I look at her and it warms my heart.
    He has made her the 'Special' one in our family.
    I see her older sister loving her, mothering her, and learning so much about life with this unconditional love she has for Lilly. I see Lilly light up when her Dad comes home and gets smiles out of her that no one else could that day. I see my precious niece so patiently tending to her as if it were a privilege and not a burden. And best of all, I see Lilly's little fighting spirit and her joy and love for her family even in own little way.
    I have come to know others with these children and the incredible love and devotion these parents have for these children astounds me.
    How could that not be GOD?

    No one keeps these children alive to watch them suffer. If they weren't fighting and able to overcome, they wouldn't make it. Isn't that interesting that something so small, frail, and
    as we have been told, 'incompatible with life',
    can have so much will to live and so much fight in them?

    Anonymous....whether you like it or not, I have been praying that the pain and anger you have inside of you will be taken away by our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He is the Great Physician and pray that you will come to know that and be healed.

    To God be The Glory, Great Things He Has Done!

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  3. When I read your blog today, I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. We were expecting a Trisomy 18 baby last summer, (we spoke on the phone once, Dawn Davis in Jacksonville, FL.:-)) I remember the feeling of fighting everyday, when we were trying to plan for our little Sheryl Grace's birth. Because she was "incompatible with life", every move had to be justified to someone, or at least I felt that way. I had forgotten about that feeling.

    I want you to know, that you and your family are such a witness to the rest of us. Your faith and trust in God is always an example to me, even now. May God bless you all, and especially may he protect Lilly, if only to prove to Anonymous that life can be lived and enjoyed outside of our narrow view of what happiness must be.

    I am still praying for you all, and I know Lilly is bringing blessings to you everyday!!!

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  4. Having just finished reading Dancing with Max by Emily Colson, a most inspiring book about the 19-year-old autistic grandson of Chuck Colson, I am going to lift a quote Chuck makes in the epilogue:

    Chuck says, “The understanding of what love really is, and how God uses adversity to bring us to this point, is the great lesson that Emily and our whole family have learned through these experiences. Real love is refined through pain and suffering, which is why one friend, when she learned of Max’s autism, said to me, ‘Oh, you have found favor from God, because He has given you this special-needs child so you can experience sacrificial love’.

    “And we’ve come to understand one of the most profound truths of Christianity: the object of our faith is to love.”

    Amen Mr. Colson! as Lilly grandmother I can say you are right on! The real meaning of life begins and ends in love.

    "A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish. He will faithfully bring forth justice."--Isaiah 42:2-4

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  5. I find it no surprise that the comment was "anonymous." What an angry coward. It's incredible to think someone could spend the time to write a loving mother something so vile. I praise the Lord that Anonymous was not given the privilege of being a member of Lilly's family. Before coming to know Christ, I possessed a lot of offensive opinions about the sanctity of life. When the Lord entered my heart, He showed me my hypocrisy and led me to the Truth. Thank you for sharing this post and for gently admonishing this person. You have an amazing family.

    In Christ,

    CWH

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  6. SHAME ON YOU!!! God does exsist! If it weren't for him, Lilly wouldn't be alive! You're going in the wrong direction, turn around before it's too late. I think that aborting is murder and all children are a blessing from God and that even if she had died at birth it still would have been a blessing from God because it means that was His will!

    ~Lilly's big sister

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  7. having pondered about "anonymous'" comment for a while...i'm seeing the blessings in it. first, it gives us a chance to reaffirm our faith in God and our love for the weak, the downtrodden, the handicapped (and we are ALL handicapped in some way). second, it gives us the chance to lift "anonymous" before the Lord and to entreat the Lord to show His awesome glory and to soften "anonymous'" heart. thank you, Heavenly Father, creator of all things for giving us this opportunity.
    lilly's grandmother

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  8. All things point to the existence of God, and I for one am grateful that He loves me enough to bless me with one of His special spirits. Aaron has brought so much joy to our lives. And unlike people who "grow up," he will always know he is loved and be happy just for the simple things, like cuddles and songs and smiles. I am so sorry for one who cannot find the joy in this. And in his short life, he has already touched more hearts than most do in a long lifetime.

    He is a fighter and he fights to live. When he's done, we'll know and we'll sadly let him go. But as long as he wants to stay, he's got me in his corner. And when he's done, there are no machines that will be able to keep him here.

    I love reading your blog. I love that I know of another baby who is so close in age to Aaron. Blessings on your sweet Lilly and your family. Anonymous does not know the joy that we all do.

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  9. WoW... some times I am so surrounded by loving Christians and people that have so much love to share with the sick and needy - that I forget about the ones who's hearts are so broken that they can only lash out with ignorance and pain! As Christians or nonbelievers ; from our birth until our death we will ALL encounter the evils of this world! We will face obstacles that may cripple our mind, bodies, and spirit - and yet with Christ our Lord we can overcome them! "it is not the trails we face but how we choose to handle them" A sweet innocent baby who is born into this world is a GIFT! They are born helpless no matter if they are healthy or have some type of disability - they ALL want to live and all the trained Dr.'s and nurses to help them. Loving parents are placed in our lives to be our protective warriors - who's armor is LOVE!!!
    dear ''anonymous'' maybe something in your life has ''crippled'' you or you have never experienced this type of love from a parent - but there is still a way for you to be healed and have a FATHER who loves you unconditionally - and his name is JESUS CHRIST !
    May God redeem us all and embrace us with love and compassion!

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  10. L-

    Let not your heart be troubled. While I know the post was disgusting, hurtful and completely unfounded, we must pray for the person that wrote it. Anger is the wrong emotion to have here. Keep relying on God to love you and lead you. Do not focus on the pessimism that is seeping from that poor soul. It is broken and only God can fix it. Don't take that burden on yourself. Lilly is a blessing and a miracle. Praise GOD for her each and every day. Have peace today. Hugs from me to you :o)

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  11. I felt like I was punched in the stomach too. I will pray for them as well.

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  12. Lisa - all I have to say is...very nicely played.

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  13. I don't feel like I'd be going too far out on a limb to suggest that Lilly is happier than anonymous.

    I feel sorrier for anonymous than for Lilly. I pray that he/she will come to know joy that is only found in our Savior, Christ Jesus.

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  14. What a tremendous example of christian love and acceptance this entire family of Lilly's has displayed throughout this past year. I have considered it a blessing and a privilege to pray for this precious little child. To know this family is to love them. To know God is to trust that whatever He does is right and good!

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  15. Thank you for the example you are to all of us, Lisa. We are so glad Lilly is here and we know her life is no accident. She is just the way God made her which makes her perfect. We can't wait to see her in a few weeks and hear about her first birthday celebrations before that.

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  16. I read your blog from all the way in Canmore, AB - I don't know you, or your family, but I stumbled across your blog one day. I am a Special Education Teacher here in Canada, and this post deserves every readers response to tell you that "Anonymous" was wrong!!! And "Anonymous" probably stayed "Anonymous" because they knew they were!!!
    Obviously passionate about children with disabilities, I have incredible love for ALL children - and incredible respect for the parents who raise them. To give life to any child, and especially a "Special" child, is an incredibly unselfish act, that is competely in the favor of God!!! It takes special people to care for God's Earth Angels!

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  17. P.s. I'd just like to say - that type of comment, from a stranger no less, is just completely unjustified and out in left field! I feel privileged to get to see into your family, on your personal blog, but it is just that - it's a privilage - you don't have to share with the world.... nor did you probably ever intend to when you started a blog - you probably intedned to share with close family & friends, and those who know Lily personally!!! I think that reaching out to the rest of us who enjoy reading about, and praying for Lily, are just icing on a cake!
    I am not sure why any person would feel it was their right to make such a horrific comment on someone's blog which is merely just an online journal! This isn't a chat, or a forum, or even an association, it's not news, it's not the press!
    I'm amazed at how angry it makes me that a person thinks that this is an appropriate place to unleash their completely rude & obnoxious opinion!!!! (off my soapbox now!)

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  18. Mary Chris GriffinJune 23, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    Prayer for Anonymous: ( from Prayers for Emotional Wholeness by Stormie Omartian)

    Lord, I know that whatever is in my heart will eventually be rewarded in what I say. If my heart is full of bitterness, jealousy or anger, it will come out in a moment of weakness and bring destruction and hurt to others. So I pray that You would create in me a clean heart and fill my heart with Your love, joy and peace. May my heart be so full of Your Spirit, that what flows out of my mouth are only godly, Spirit-filled, and anointed words that bring life to all who hear me.

    I have put My words in your mouth; I have covered you with the shadow of My hand, that I may plant the heavens, lay the foundations of the earth, and say to Zion, "You are my people." Isaiah 51:16

    Anonymous does not know what he/she speaks. I pray for God to lift her up in His mighty arms so that she will feel the love that little Lilly feels every moment of every day. I pray that Lilly will be spared and will continue in her ministry to those of us who delight in her and will evoke such feeling in those who doubt God's love that they will be saved to glorify Him. In My Christ Jesus name I pray. Amen

    Love you, Mary Chris

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  19. I agree Chelsey. This negative person probably doesn't realize that such directed insensitive comments reinforce a parents innate instinct to protect their child. Lilly is a blessing and, as evidenced on this blog, she has a whole family to love and protect her.

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  20. Well, I’m not sure where to begin. Lilly is my fifth grandchild of seven and very precious in my eyes. All seven are special and beautiful. Lilly even more so because of her physical problem. I rejoice in the fact that Lilly’s parents had the faith and courage to have her, as she is a blessing to the entire family. I, for one, realize how precious and fragile life, as we know it, really is and that God is the only one who can heal her for He is the “Great Physician”. I pray daily for Lilly as do many others and those prayers have been answered on many occasions. God has a purpose for Lilly and she has already started fulfilling that purpose by bringing people closer to Him.

    T, my oldest granddaughter, I really liked your response to “Anonymous.” And I might add that “Anonymous” does not have the fortitude or courage to put his/her name to what he/she wrote.

    Pa

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  22. "Anonymous" the atheist's (Aa) hatred for Lily is symptomatic of his hatred for God: "... for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." (1 John 4:7b, 8. Thus "all who hate me [God] love death" (Prov. 8:36b). God is the source of love, and without God, there is only hatred and death. But hopefully, someday the sovereign God will convert Aa and cause him to believe in Christ--in which case Aa will come to love God, and, consequently, his neighbor.

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  23. You constructed a beautiful response to Anonymous. I especially liked your first paragraph. The Creation argues so effectively for a Creator, for nowhere in nature do we see random elements just fly together into complex entities. Where there is craftsmanship, there is a Master Craftsman. It is more insane to believe that the wonders of our world could have just randomly happened. So many things have to be "just right" for life to continue here. Only because the Creator is also the Sustainer do we continue to enjoy the life we have here on Earth.

    If Anonymous does not have the depth of character to see that Lilly has a place in this world, though her body has its imperfections, I feel sorry for him/her. Our imperfections of spirit are of so much more consequence, yet we in this country are more prepared to let those with moral shortcomings live without condemnation or eradication. In short, we happily invite the morally destitute to run amuck, and many entertain the thought of taking the lives of the physically imperfect--the most morally pure in so many cases. Talk about non-sensical behavior!

    Don't ever let the stinkin' thinkin' of the unenlightened cause you to doubt for a second God's Higher Plan for Lilly and her life, however long that life is! You're doing a beautiful job of raising Lilly and your other children, and you continue to be an inspiration to more people than you will ever know!

    D in Tennessee

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  24. I feel so sorry for anonymous... praying that God will show him/her some incredible wonder that will change his/her thinking and outlook on life. I admire you for having the strength to respond (and so calmly and thoughtfully!).. I get so emotional when I feel like my children are being attacked, it's hard for me to come up with a coherent sentence! I love what Marsha said, "we are all handicapped in some way"! So true. Hopefully anonymous will gain some perspective on this before he/she passes judgement on the next person. - Randi

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  25. What a wonderful response to anonymous. I don't think anyone appreciates the joy of a special need's child until they are given the gift of being their parent, family member or friend.
    Marcia

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